The man in the mirror...it all starts here (Part 3)

My last post told the story of how I began to more successfully navigating some rough patches in college once I came to know myself better. While studying in England I finally took a good, long look in the mirror and got honest about what I saw. And that moment of truth, that willingness to humble myself and admit some of my mistakes and shortcomings, was the turning point on many levels.

You may think that knowing yourself to lead yourself is only an issue for young people. It stands to reason that after someone becomes a functioning adult they can move on to bigger and better things! Right? However, my experience as a leadership coach over the past 15 years has convinced me that people of all ages and from all walks of life continue to undermine themselves due to a lack of self-awareness. To put it another way, they don't lead themselves well because they don't understand what really makes them tick. If we remain in the dark about what gives us energy, how we best learn, how we can make good decisions, and how we naturally desire to organize our lives, we stay disconnected from ourselves. And, if we don't connect well with those things inside of us that truly make us who we are then we will struggle to connect deeply with other people, also.

What are those things for a Christian leader?

• Identity (who you believe yourself to be at your core)
• Nurture (the role models, upbringing, and defining experiences that comprise the "oughts" and "shoulds" of your inner voice; I use the Life Map tool for this - email me for the .pdf)
• Personality (my two favorite assessments to reveal personality are the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and the 5 Voices)
• Personal choice (our decisions have shaped us and different decisions will create a different future)
• EQ or Emotional Intelligence (personal and social competence)
• Spiritual gifts (Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12)
• APEST (Ephesians 4)

Let's tackle APEST now and look at personality next time in the final installment of this mini-series.

I was first introduced to APEST around 2002. Actually, I learned about APEST the first time I read the book of Ephesians, but I just didn't know it! APEST is taken from Ephesians 4:11 - 13:

So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Paul identifies 5 distinct offices Christ has given his church (note: these offices are related to spiritual gifts, but I do not believe they are the same thing as spiritual gifts). They are in order:

1. Apostles
2. Prophets
3. Evangelists
4. Shepherds (or pastors)
5. Teachers

The purpose for these offices is very clear. Christ gave them to the church "to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up..."

In The Forgotten Ways Alan Hirsch defines and explores APEST and why it's so vital for Christian leaders to understand at a deep level. Here are his brief definitions for each:

APOSTLES extend the gospel. As the “sent ones,” they ensure that the faith is transmitted from one context to another and from one generation to the next. They are always thinking about the future, bridging barriers, establishing the church in new contexts, developing leaders, networking trans-locally. Yes, if you focus solely on initiating new ideas and rapid expansion, you can leave people and organizations wounded. The shepherding and teaching functions are needed to ensure people are cared for rather than simply used.

PROPHETS know God's will. They are particularly attuned to God and his truth for today. They bring correction and challenge the dominant assumptions we inherit from the culture. They insist that the community obey what God has commanded. They question the status quo. Without the other types of leaders in place, prophets can become belligerent activists or, paradoxically, disengage from the imperfection of reality and become other-worldly.

EVANGELISTS recruit. These infectious communicators of the gospel message recruit others to the cause. They call for a personal response to God's redemption in Christ, and also draw believers to engage the wider mission, growing the church. Evangelists can be so focused on reaching those outside the church that maturing and strengthening those inside is neglected.

SHEPHERDS nurture and protect. Caregivers of the community, they focus on the protection and spiritual maturity of God's flock, cultivating a loving and spiritually mature network of relationships, making and developing disciples. Shepherds can value stability to the detriment of the mission. They may also foster an unhealthy dependence between the church and themselves.

TEACHERS understand and explain. Communicators of God's truth and wisdom, they help others remain biblically grounded to better discern God's will, guiding others toward wisdom, helping the community remain faithful to Christ's word, and constructing a transferable doctrine. Without the input of the other functions, teachers can fall into dogmatism or dry intellectualism. They may fail to see the personal or missional aspects of the church's ministry.

OK, so how does knowing your APEST help you to lead yourself more effectively?  Allow me to illustrate from a live situation I find myself in at the moment.  

In early 2017 I shifted my focus from strictly the non-profit arena and joined a consulting organization that focused on leadership development in the corporate space.  It seemed like a good fit, but it has not developed in the way I had hoped.  So, this summer it became apparent that I needed to seek out a different opportunity.

Several options emerged ranging from staff roles in local churches, denominational positions, and a leadership role with a church planting organization.

As Sandi and I prayed about these opportunities we ran each through the grid of my APEST.  As you may have guessed, I am strongly apostolic.  Hirsch explains that apostles are big picture, future oriented, spiritual entrepreneurs and strategists.  So, how does knowing this about myself help me navigate my current reality?  

In each instance we asked the question, "Does this opportunity allow me to function primarily as an apostle?"  An apostle can function well at the local church, denomination, or network levels.  But to determine apostolic fit I specifically asked:

1. Is this a future oriented role, or more maintenance?
2. Will I have gifted people to oversee the operational and micro details so that I can keep an eye on big picture goals?
3. Will there be sufficient latitude to pivot toward emerging opportunities and take new territory?

APEST will help you understand how you primarily function as a Christian leader - how you can bring your best.  When you better align yourself with the insights you learn from your APEST you will notice more grace flowing, more fruit, less stress, and more energy.  Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

Knowing my APEST has been an incredible tool as we have evaluated the various options and has helped us move forward with confidence toward those that fit best.

Next time we will delve into the world of personality - which you may notice often syncs up with your APEST.

***If you would like to talk about walking through a guided EQ Intensive, which covers APEST, personality, Life Mapping, and more, be sure to let me know.***

The man in the mirror...it all starts here (Part 2)

In my last post we began examining a rather thorny leadership Catch-22: If we don't know ourselves well we can't lead ourselves effectively, and once that happens our influence begins to diminish.  Simple enough you might say.  But here's the problem; the tendencies that undermine our influence the most are like broccoli in our teeth - everyone else can see them except us.

In other words, most of us lack the self-awareness required to see the broccoli and do something constructive about removing it.  We simply don't know what it's like to be on the other side of us. I illustrated this problem by telling the story of my unhappy first two years of college and how I finally took a good look in the mirror while studying abroad in England and took action.

What did I finally figure out as a 20-year old that eluded me for over 2 years?  Well, a few things actually:

When it's everyone, it's you.  I was attending my fourth college in 4 consecutive semesters.  (Yes, you read that correctly.)  And, I was still very unhappy.  About a month into my time in England the realization dawned upon me (by God's grace) that if I am still discontent in spite of all the changes I had made, maybe the problem is with me.  Bingo!  I was finally ready to learn something.

A mirror is required.  Without objective feedback I was doomed to keep repeating the same patterns that were undermining my contentment and influence.  I needed a fresh perspective.  I needed to see things as they really were.  I somehow needed to move beyond blame shifting and the critical spirit that was masking a deep insecurity.  And for me, this came through spiritual renewal as I simply cried out to God in brokenness, humility, and a growing sense of desperation.  I had nowhere else to go.  As I began spending a lot of time reading my Bible, talking with him about everything, and journalling (which was key) I heard his voice.  God said to me: "You are my son.  I love you.  I am already pleased with you."

That was the turning point.  God was already pleased with me!  In spite of the mess I had made of my life in college God loved me just as I was.  It was like hearing the Gospel again for the fist time.  And through that good news I caught a glimpse of who I was in Christ - accepted and loved.  And so, the Gospel became a lens I looked through to see the real me.  With my new identity in view I was then able to look into the mirror of my current reality and own up to all of my short comings without fear of condemnation.  I was set free.

Grace received emboldens us to accept the truth.  What prevents us from looking in the mirror of our current reality and owning our stuff?  Fear.  Self-preservation.  Shame. "What if I'm not good enough?  What if I don't have what it takes?  What if no one will love the real me?"  These questions haunt us, bully us into submission, and keep our true identities at bay and in the shadows.  Such was my experience.

It was a hopeless situation apart from God's grace, which meant my situation was hopeful! Because God's grace had already reached me, even before I boarded that plane for London.  Two months prior Sandi and I began dating again after an 18-month separation.  And if Sandi Burgess - the girl I fell in love with as a freshman in high school, the person who personified for me the best and highest of Christian virtue, the beautiful young woman who still loved me after all we'd been through - if she saw value and potential in me then I could, too.  God's grace flows through relationships.  Through my relationship with Sandi I found the courage to face the doubts that haunted me with more faith than fear.  And just when I needed it most, God confirmed that grace through my new friends in London.  Andy, Duncan, Anna and Sue were fresh expressions of God's grace pouring encouragement and confidence into my soul.

John 1 tells us that Jesus came "full of grace and truth".  By engaging with the grace of God we come to understand at the deepest level that we are loved and accepted unconditionally because of Christ.  Romans 5:8 shouts "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  By engaging with the truth of God we come to understand that he loves us too much to leave us where he found us.  His purpose is to transform our character and actions (inside and out) into the very image of Christ - the perfect one.  This comes through a process (painful at times) of repentance, faith, abiding, mentoring, and community.  As this process (also known as sanctification) takes shape in our lives and relationships we discover that we are no longer the same person living for the same things.  We become, in every respect, a new creation.

So, that is how looking in the mirror (infused with God's grace and truth) played out for me 31 years ago.  But what about now?  At 51 I find myself at another crossroads.  The kids are all off to college, after leaving my ministry role in Michigan 5 years ago I have been on a professional roller coaster, and I am in a wrestling match with God over my calling as it relates to the local church.  Once again I need to hear his voice, look in the mirror, and walk toward the best expression of my true identity.

In my next post I will explain how learning about your APEST and personality wiring can help you connect the dots for vocational and ministry calling.  Whether you're in college trying to figure it out for the first time, or you are an empty nester trying to figure it out for the next season, the same principle holds: if you know yourself, you can lead yourself.

If you want to get a jump on connecting the dots right away, I highly recommend reading 5 Voices by Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram.

The man in the mirror...it all starts here (Part 1)

Back in 1987 Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror" topped the Billboard Top 100 for two weeks in a row.  It was a smash hit with some of the most meaningful lyrics ever to grace a pop song:

I'm starting with the man in the mirror

I'm asking him to change his ways

And no message could have been any clearer

If you want to make the world a better place

Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

1987 was also the year my wife graduated from high school (sorry to out you Sandi, but yes, that was 31 years ago!).  I was a junior in college studying abroad in England that same year - and as I look back on my time in London I realize now why it was such a transformative experience; I finally began to really look in the mirror.

My first two years of college were a big disappointment.  I didn't like the school, so I transferred (twice!).  I didn't like my major so I changed it 2 or 3 times.  I didn't like being in a committed relationship, so I broke up with Sandi (for 18 months).  I became an expert at looking at the people and circumstances around me with a critical eye.  The Christian college I attended was "full of hypocrites".  A long distance relationship made me feel "suffocated".  A ministry degree felt so narrow, so "limiting".  So, I bounced around feeling more miserable with each new turn.

So, I ended up in London, a city of over 6 million people in 1987 (now over 8 million).  I unpacked my bags, looked around, and realized that I didn't know a soul.  I have never felt such deep loneliness.  I had no one, so I spent a lot of time with myself.   What began as homesickness and depression turned a corner for me after about 3 weeks.  I can't put my finger on it exactly, but the day came when I took a good look in the mirror.  I didn't like the person I had become in college.  Everything had turned inward, it was all about me and what I wanted.  And I was finally ready to face it.

Realizing I was in over my head I simply came to God and asked for help.  Humbled, I reconnected with God at a heart level once again.  And, it felt like something inside of me clicked.  Hope was stirred.  Change felt possible.

If I could just start with me, taking ownership for my life, my choices, and my feelings, then I could change my reality.  There were tendencies undermining my contentment, my relationships, and my studies.  And, like broccoli in your teeth, everyone can clearly see those tendencies except you (but you are the only one who can remove the broccoli).

At the ripe age of 20 I was determined to make a change for the better - but how exactly does that work?

Here's a visual tool called "Know Yourself to Lead Yourself" I have been using just about every day in my new role as Senior Consultant for GiANT Worldwide:

We all have tendencies that are baked in to our personalities.  Like our fingerprints we were born with them and they aren't going to change much over our lifetime.  These tendencies shape how we make decisions, how we get energy, how we learn, and how we interact with the world.  However, like a fish unaware of the very water it swims through, most of us are unaware of these inborn tendencies.

In other words, we don't realize what it's like to be on the other side of us.

These tendencies result in patterns that drive our actions (and reactions).  Those actions have consequences, both good and bad.  And, those consequences strongly influence our reality.

So, if you want to change your reality for the better, where do you begin?  Since you can't change your tendencies you must begin with your actions.  If you choose to speak, act, and think differently you will change the consequences and your reality.  Easier said than done!

Here's the secret: if you can understand the WHY beneath your tendencies you have a better chance of figuring out the HOW to changing your actions.  

My next two posts will walk through the steps I took to do just that, both as a 20 year old struggling to find his way in England and as a 51 year old struggling to find his way in marriage, parenting, ministry, and career.

If you want to make the world a better place, first take a look at yourself.  Turns out Mike was right.

Here's a great (free) resource for your journey of knowing yourself to lead yourself.  Enjoy!

Moses on leadership (the prerequisite of brokenness)

A friend (Ken) and I met for lunch last week and decided to begin reading the book of Exodus together and to keep one another accountable for a few things:

1. Daily Bible reading (one chapter a day)
2. Exercise
3. Sexual purity
4. Our witness to those outside of relationship with Jesus

So, a few days in I read the familiar story of Moses' encounter with God at the burning bush.  However, it felt like I was reading it for the first time as God spoke afresh to me.  

Here is an excerpt from my journal:

Exodus 3 - July 8, 2017

1. Moses spent 40 years tending flocks - a very lowly job for a Hebrew, especially one born a prince of Egypt.
2. The angel of the Lord appears to Moses in flames of fire from within a bush.  What caught Moses’ attention was that even though the bush was on fire, it was not consumed.
3. God gets Moses’ attention, and once he comes over to look God calls him by name.
4. Moses is warned to not come any closer and to remove his sandals as God reveals himself as holy and the God of his fathers.
5. God says that he has come down to rescue Israel from their oppression in Egypt and to bring them into a good and spacious land flowing with milk and honey AND that he is sending Moses to Pharaoh to bring them out.
6. Moses first objection, “who am I?”  God’s response, “I will be with you”.
7. Moses second objection, “what if they ask me your name?”.  God’s response, “Tell the Israelites ‘I AM' has sent you.  Also say ‘The LORD’ has sent you."
8. God tells Moses that when Pharaoh does let them go (after he compels him) they are to ask for silver and gold on their way out and “plunder the Egyptians”.

Humility comes before honor.  In his arrogance Moses attempts to rescue the Israelites through his own wisdom and power.  He fails utterly and is cast out - defeated and dejected.  God works on Moses for the following 40 years as he tends his father-in-law’s sheep (not even his own sheep) on the far side of the desert.  By the time God calls Moses and commissions him to lead Israel out of slavery into freedom, he doesn’t believe he can lead.  His dreams have died.  He has accepted his life as an ordinary man who once had a big dream but now doesn’t have much to offer.  He allowed fear to push out faith.

In the early days of Lighthouse (the church Sandi and I planted in the late 90s) I was that young Moses.  The dream was huge - we were going to plant a church of global impact.  The influence our church exerted for the gospel locally and beyond was literally going to start a ripple effect that changed the world.  Within 3 years that dream was dead in my heart, and soon after the church started a decline it would never fully recover from.  Like Moses, I didn't want to lead again...ever.  Leadership, especially church leadership, was a painful reminder of not only my own failures, but worse yet, the ways I suspected God had failed me.  God’s goodness and greatness lingered under a cloud of suspicion in my heart as I limped away from personal and professional burn out and tried to pick up the pieces.  

My first ever encounter with Mike Breen (founder of 3DM) was a smoldering bush.  When I heard him say in 2011, “If you build churches you may get disciples, but if you make disciples you will always get the church" it was like God saying to me, “take off your shoes, this is holy ground”.  Once again, God called me by name.  Once again, God sent me and promised to go with me.  And, like Moses, I wavered.  Fear had pushed faith aside; I didn’t believe I could truly lead.  

It wasn’t enough for me to know that God would go with me.  Like Moses I wanted a partner, someone to share the load, the heartaches, and the joys.  By this time I was all too aware of my weaknesses and limitations.  Deep down I wanted to go for it - but there was one person I needed with me heart and soul - Sandi.  If God was honestly going to rekindle the dream of deeply penetrating gospel impact, he would first have to heal and restore both our relationship and our partnership.  And that is exactly what he began doing in 2012, and the reason we moved to Pawleys Island, SC in 2013.  We are 5 years into that journey - and God has revealed afresh his goodness and greatness to my heart.  It hasn’t been easy, far from it.  But, it has been good.  My 15 years in the wideness (which felt a lot like exile) has changed me.  I trust God has built enough humility and security into my heart as I move toward his calling to enable me to lead others toward freedom and identity in Christ - with Sandi at my side bringing the tools, gifts, and insights I lack.

And now, with our newly formed partnership with GiANT Worldwide, we believe God is opening doors that we have been knocking on for years.  God used 3DM to help get us unstuck, but he is now using GiANT to provide the training, the community, the strategic partnerships, and the opportunities to gain traction.  

So, with the staff of personal testimony in hand, and with Sandi as my Aaron walking with me, we press in to this new journey, this new season.

How about you?

Here are a few questions to ponder and an action step to take:

1. As a young leader what was the dream I believed God placed in my heart?  What are the vital signs of that dream today?
2. If it feels like that dream has died, is it because it didn't play out according to my expectations (timing and methodology) or because it really wasn't a God-dream in the first place?  Is it possible that it really was a God-dream but required God shaping my character and capacity before it could be realized?
3. If you relate to the fear that flooded through Moses when God wanted to send him to Pharaoh, could it be that you need a partner?  What steps could you take this week to begin that conversation with you spouse or friend?

Action step:

Look over your responses to these questions (I encourage you to either write them out or talk them out with a safe person).  What stands out to you?  How is God getting your attention?  What do you believe he is pointing out or saying to you?

Now, take that through the CORE process (slide 8):

1. Call it (What is my learning opportunity?)
2. Own it (Why is this important?  What area of my life needs to change in some way?)
3. Response (What am I going to do?  How can I know myself better to lead myself better?)
4. Execute (When am I going to take this action step?  Who is going to encourage me and hold me accountable?)

Why Barnabas has become my hero and role model

I have been reading through the book of Acts this month with our student ministry team.  At the same time I read "Beyond the Local Church" by Sam Matcalf and started reading "The Permanent Revolution" by Hirsch and Catchim.  It has been a wild, but potent mix.  Honestly, I could not put down Metcalf's book - it was like taking a long drink of cold water in the middle of a desert.  (Both books address the idea of how apostles relate to and function within and alongside local churches today.  And, for those of us who resonate most with the function of apostle, prophet, or evangelist these books transport us from outsiders to integral in relation to the church in the west.)

God began speaking to me a week ago about Barnabas.  So, I tok a closer look at this leader who we tend to think of as Paul's side kick.  Here are a few observations I made (my complete study is also available):

Barnabas and Paul Study

December 23, 2016

1.     Acts 4:36:  Joseph is given the nickname “Barnabas” by the apostles – it means “son of encouragement” or “son of prophecy/exhortation”.  He was a Levite from Cyprus, and cousin of John Mark.

2.     Acts 8:27:  After Paul’s conversion Barnabas brought him to the apostles in Jerusalem and vouched for him (the apostles were afraid of Paul - the great persecutor of the early church).  He served as a relational bridge between Paul and the apostles due to his credibility among the established leadership in Jerusalem.

3.     Acts 11:19:  The disciples were driven out of Judea by persecution.  Some went to Antioch (300 miles north – a 15 day journey).  Antioch was the third largest city in the Roman Empire.  These disciples (men from Cyprus) told the Gentiles the good news about Jesus and many believed.  The apostles sent Barnabas to Antioch to give leadership to this movement of the Holy Spirit.  He encouraged them to “remain true to the Lord with all their hearts”.

4.     Acts 11:24:  Barnabas was “a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith”.  Through his ministry a great number believed.

5.     Acts 11:25:  Barnabas went to Tarsus to bring Paul back to Antioch (80 miles by sea).  The two of them met with the church and taught a great number of people for an entire year (one of Paul's longest assignments in a single location).

2 Reflections…

Barnabas was a bridge builder

As a Levite, Barnabas understood the prevailing religious culture (Jewish) from which the church was birthed.  However, he did not grow up in Jerusalem, but in Cyprus.  Growing up in the Diaspora, he also understood the prevailing Hellenistic culture that surrounded Israel.  And, he was the only one to appreciate and trust Paul’s conversion experience and took the risk to connect him to the apostles.  I have logged 35 years in the church – most of those years functioning within the established, traditional church.  Other than 2 – 3 years of angry cynicism, I have loved and respected the evangelical, established church, which represents my spiritual heritage.  Like Barnabas, I am positioned to function as a relational bridge connecting the new apostolic leaders and structures to the established church.  My hope is not only to open doors of support and encouragement for a new wine skin, but to speak prophetically (but graciously and with humility) back into the established church.  There is no win for the new wineskin without a corresponding win for the old wine skin – they both are the bride of Christ and should be honored for their history and promise of a better future (however, the parents will be called upon to sacrifice for their children and grandchildren).  I love the Missionary Church (the denomination I have most deeply connect with), but I am convinced that a new wine skin is needed for the Millennial generation.  Our historic Regions and Districts must primarily operate in accordance to their modalic nature – their leaders must prioritize conserving and maintaining their churches while at the same time equipping and exhorting their congregations to make disciples from the harvest (no simple task).  The needed creative energy and grace will flow back into the established center from the edges – from new and renewed apostolic imagination and the corresponding structures that grow from experimentation and Spirit-inspired apostolic leadership.  I am not gifted or called to dream up these new apostolic structures or to provide the tip of the spear in terms of the necessary apostolic leadership – but, like Barnabas, I am learning to recognize it when I see it.  And, also like Barnabas, I see the vacuum of apostolic leadership in the established church and am willing to sail to Tarsus to bring back Paul, lend him my credibility, give him a platform, and then step aside as his ministry expands.  I have embraced my role as one who comes alongside, a coach, a mentor, and an apostle who labors out of the limelight as I cultivate and invest in younger, emerging leaders.

Barnabas offered redemption for failed leaders

Barnabas was not willing to leave John Mark behind on their second journey, even though Paul adamantly refused to bring him.  In the past I believed this was because Barnabas was a “softy” and agreed with Paul’s “strategic” reasoning.  I have no interest in speculating who was right and who was wrong in this instance, but one thing I know: I am John Mark and I am grateful that God sent a Barnabas to invite me back into leadership.

In 2002 I left the ministry – vowing never to return.  Like John Mark I simply gave up.  It was too hard, the costs were too high, and my heart was growing sick with depression, anxiety, and resentment.  As our marriage faltered, I quit.  I went back to “Jerusalem” and ended up starting a painting business and hunting deer.  I checked out of “church” in every way possible without blowing up my family.  Sadly, from the sidelines we watched our church plant struggle and never fully recover from my untimely abandonment.  Today that church is no more.  Lighthouse Community Church died before her time.  May she rest in peace and may the seed that fell to the ground and died yet bear fruit…

I live with a sense of failure regarding that season of my life to this day.  God has – and continues to – redeem the pain and scar tissue left behind for so many, but it has been a long, arduous process.

A few years after my burn out and resignation God sent a Barnabas to me named Jim Keller.  He knew my story.  He knew of my failures and struggles.  But, instead of giving up on me quoting the mantra that “the best predictor of future performance is past performance” he invited me onto his team.  I was given a second chance, not as a pastor or church planter, but as a come alongside coach, mentor, and apostolic leader.  That was 12 years ago, and it was one of the three greatest turning points in my life and development as a leader in Christ’s church.  It is hard to say where I would be today if Jim hadn’t sought to redeem what was wounded and broken in my life and vouch for me – and the potential he saw buried beneath the rubble.  It brings me to tears thinking about it…

I want to be a Barnabas for those leaders who find themselves upon the scrap pile of ministry.  In fact, I have learned that brokenness is a prerequisite for the power of the Holy Spirit to be fully released in and through a leader’s life.  We are, in the final analysis, jars of clay and it is the unsurpassable glory of Christ living in and through our lives that matters.  And his glory is most visible through the cracks.  At best we are the woman at the well in John 4 going back into town telling people how Jesus met us in our brokenness and poured living water into our souls.  Could this be the Christ?  Come and see…

Understanding the heart of a man created in God's image

Last month Grant and I had the opportunity to hunt elk in western Colorado.  This was one of those bucket list trips for me - something I desperately wanted to do with Grant before he headed off to college next year.  

I thought we were going out west to hunt elk - but it turns out that God sent me on this trip to hunt for my own heart.  There are certain longings God has placed in my heart (and in the heart of every man created in his image) that I had become disconnected from in recent years.  Not only was this a trip to strengthen my relationship with my son, it was a quest to find my heart again and re-discover the passions that God has hard wired into it. 

This post is primarily written for men, but if you are a woman (especially a wife or mother of a son) who wants to better understand what makes the men in your life tick, keep reading.

Colorado Journal 2016

A compilation of quotes from “Wild at Heart", photos, and journaling I did during our elk hunting trip September 6 – 17, 2016.

“A man’s life becomes an adventure, the whole thing takes on a transcendent purpose when he releases control in exchange for the recovery of the dreams in his heart.”

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs.  Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  - Gil Bailie

Journal 9.11.16

Grant had his first close encounter with a bull elk this morning.  He was hunting out of a tent blind and the elk came within 20 yards.  Grant said he was so close he could hear him breathe.  Grant never got an open shot and the bull bounded off after a cow.  Grant wonders if he was as prepared as he needed to be – that maybe he could have made the shot if he had done something differently.  I am grateful for the opportunity he had to come face to face with such a magnificent animal with only a bow and arrow.

“It’s not a question – it’s the question, the one every boy and man is longing to ask.  Do I have what it takes?  Am I powerful?  Until a man knows he’s a man he will forever be trying to prove he is one, while at the same time shrink from anything that might reveal he is not.  Most men live their lives haunted by the question, or crippled by the answer they’ve been given.”

I am writing from a ground blind I pieced together this morning.  I have yet to see an elk although Ken has seen four so far; he sits about a quarter mile away from me – Kenny (his son) is farther down yet.

There are ten of us in this hunting party – six guys from Michigan, three of us from South Carolina, and one from North Carolina.  We have been planning this trip for over a year – it is, by far, the most expensive hunting trip I have ever been on.  It is also doubling as Grant’s senior trip – yes, he graduates high school in about ten months.  He will turn 18 in May and enter into a new stage of manhood.  I turn 50 in May and enter a new stage of life as well – and it is during the quiet and solitude of this trip that I am seeking clues as to what this next season signifies – what are the focal points during my fifth decade on this planet?

The place where I am looking for those clues?  My own heart.  I believe vital clues are locked away within my heart.  If I can find my heart and look deeply within it I feel that I will know what to do.

This pursuit of my heart has been inspired by my third reading of Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.  The opening paragraph is set in the mountains of Colorado in pursuit of elk.  He compares the hunter’s pursuit of the elusive elk among the rugged Rocky Mountains to his pursuit – and every man’s pursuit – of their own heart.

John believes there are three mythic longings in the heart of every man created in God’s image:

1. An adventure to embark upon - a quest
2. An enemy to defeat - seeing myself as a warrior prepared for battle
3. A beauty to rescue - the woman I fight for and who joins me on my quest

We pulled out of the driveway at 9:30 p.m. on Tuesday, September 16 for our 32-hour journey to western Colorado.  Dreaming of an opportunity to hunt bull elk from within 50 yards, and through the lens of pursuing my heart, these are the observations I have made thus far:

1    Elk live where the air is thin

Elk live in mountains.  For a hunter like me who lives at sea level this means I have to adjust to an 8,500’ rise in altitude.  And so far this thin air is totally kicking my butt!  I hike about 30 – 60 minutes each day (twice today) to get to my stand.  The hike to the stand is mostly uphill and steep in a few places.  And honestly, I am panting, my heart pounding, the sweat dripping, and the muscles in the back of my legs burning every time.  It’s not that difficult of a hike!  I am in decent shape!  But, at 8,500’ I feel weak.  They tell me my body will adjust eventually and I will feel stronger again – but to chase elk I need to exert the effort to breathe the same air they breathe.  Honestly, it would be much easier to hunt deer in South Carolina or Michigan – but if I want to hunt elk I need to literally climb these mountains and breathe the thin air.

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