How to have a Life Worth Imitating (Disciple Making Essentials series) - THE CROSS - Part 1 of 3

OK, so last week I wrote about the three ingredients I believe are essential for having a Life Worth Imitating.

They are:

1. The Gospel (a personal relationship with the risen Christ)
2. Loving God and loving people (living an UP/IN/OUT lifestyle)
3. Apprenticeship (life on life learning from a mature Christ follower, AND life on life coaching of younger believers)

That's all fine and good.  Nice circles.  Clever little overlapping thing in the middle there.  Awesome.

Now what?  What are you suppose to do with this?  How does it actually work?  (Please, don't just tell me how it works, show me!)

There are only three ways I can attempt to answer that question:

1. By observing how this process works in scripture - especially in the life of Jesus
2. Recalling how this process worked and is working in my own life
3. Paying attention to how it's working out in the lives of those around me - past and present (this can be very helpful - but I will focus on the first two for now)

One more thing before we dive in - we need to see how all of this functions through two lenses:

• The leadership lens (I am Paul discipling Timothy)
• The learning lens (I am Timothy being discipled by Paul)

It's of little value to only consider the leadership lens if we are not simultaneously learning and growing under the intentional leadership and coaching of a more mature Christian.  Leaders are learners, and leaders that quit learning will soon quit leading...often abruptly.

THE GOSPEL (upper left circle)

As a learner...

The example of Jesus:

"I am the resurrection and the life.  The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.  Do you believe this?" ~ John 11:25 - 26

Jesus is speaking to his good friend, Martha, whose brother Lazarus just died.  Jesus was moments away from bringing Lazarus back from the grave - but just before demonstrating the death-defying quality of the eternal life Jesus gives, he tells us something very important.  He is the resurrection.  He is the life.  He gives eternal-resurrection life (his own life) to those who believe in him.  And then he asks the big question - "Do you believe this?"  Jesus expects a personal response - do we believe he is who he claims to be, or not?

"After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee proclaiming the good news of God.  "The time has come," he said.  "The kingdom of God has come near.  Repent and believe the good news!" ~ Mark 1:14 - 15

Once again, Jesus reveals something very important about himself; he has brought the kingdom of God near personally.  He is the only way to the Father and to the King (John 14:6).  How do we access God's kingdom and adoption into his family?  We repent and believe the good news.  Jesus is the good news.  This all comes about through a personal relationship with Jesus by which we enter God's kingdom as citizen, soldier, representative, servant and child.

Jesus, God the Son, came to us from heaven, born of a virgin.  He lived a sinless life and through his words, his works, and his ways explained and demonstrated kingdom living.  He died on a cross paying the just penalty for our sins.  He rose from the dead, conquering both sin and death.  He ascended to his Father.  He sent God the Spirit to empower and teach us.  And he will come back one day to establish his rule and reign on planet earth and once and for all destroy the works of Satan, judging the living and the dead with grace-filled justice.

Personal experience:

There were three critical factors in my own story that brought the good news of Christ to life for me:

1. An awareness of my own brokenness.  As a 13 year old I came to grips with the reality that my life was not going in the right direction.  The angst and insecurity that accompanied growing up in a home shaken by alcoholism, my own poor decisions and sinful pursuit of life apart from God, and my ignorance and indifference to the gospel left me feeling angry, confused, and despairing.  In other words, the tension in my life made the soil of my heart receptive to God's offer of new life in Christ.
2. The loving witness of Christ followers.  Two family members demonstrated for me the grace and love of God in a way that made me hungry for more.  They were my grandmother and my uncle Joe.  They both took me under wing, cared for me, mentored me, and showed me the life of Christ by the way they lived and loved.  As my life became less stable I began gravitating to them more and more - especially my uncle Joe who I looked up to and wanted to emulate.  Joe befriended me, spent time with me, introduced me to Jesus, and invited me to church and to a family Bible study that he helped lead.
3. A clear understanding of the gospel in a relational environment.  I began attending a Baptist church near Detroit with Joe and his family.  I also joined a Sunday School class with kids my own age.  Over the next 6 months, as I felt the love and acceptance of the youth leaders and students - and as I listened to Biblical teaching that always came back to Jesus - I woke up to the spiritual realities of the gospel.  Getting down on my knees in my bedroom on a Sunday afternoon, I prayed to receive the forgiveness and life that Jesus offered.  I made a personal connection with Christ for the first time that day.

As a leader...

The example of Jesus

Reflecting on the Gospels the following jumps out at me:

• Jesus lived a life worth imitating and invited others to follow him
• Jesus taught and lived with grace and truth
• Jesus created a spiritual family with open seats around the dinner table

Early in the book of Matthew we see that people are drawn to Jesus.  There is a quality to his life and words that is absolutely magnetic.  His preaching was accompanied by a demonstration of the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.  He spoke of his Father with authority - like he knew him personally and could give credible, first-hand testimony.  In Matthew 4:19 Jesus says to a couple of fishermen, "Come, follow me...and I will send you to fish for people."  Jesus invites them to follow him, as he daily followed his Father, and in the process promised to change them into different people who were able to do different things.  It all began with the quality of Jesus' life - he lived an abundant, full, fruitful life.  And this is the life he invited others to experience.

According to the first chapter of John, Jesus came full of "grace and truth".  We see the grace of Jesus on display over and over again as he healed the sick, set free the spiritually oppressed, shared meals with tax collectors, prostitutes, and other sinners, and invited the forgotten and marginalized into relationship.  But he never shied away from speaking the truth.  The invitation was very high, but so was the challenge.  Jesus made it clear that if anyone wanted to be his disciple they must deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow him day by day.  Jesus held grace and truth in perfect tension - never sacrificing one for the other.

Jesus didn't come to start a religious movement, he came to give birth to a global spiritual family.  In this family, Jesus functions as spiritual parent and his followers start off as children who one day grow up to start families of their own (always submitting to Jesus as the leader of the extended family).  Envision a large banquet table with Jesus sitting at the head.  The seats are filled with members of his family (not those related by blood, but those who know and do God's will).  There are people from every walk of life, from every nation, and from the least to the greatest.  Some that we expect to be there are not, and many who you thought would never make the cut are sitting close to Jesus.  But the most beautiful thing about this banquet table?  The empty chairs!  There is room for more!  

Personal experience

As I reflect upon on 33 years of following Christ, countless attempts to introduce people to Jesus (with many failures and a few successes), I offer the following best practices to the local church leader related to the Gospel:

1. Devote your best leaders and resources to middle school and high school students.  By far the most fruit I have ever witnessed in terms of the Gospel has been among young people.  Please don't make the mistake of entertaining them to keep them "out of trouble".  Invest in them - equip emerging leaders with the tools to "show and tell" the good news to their peers and apprentice young believers.  SonLife provided excellent training for me as a young leader.  Dann Spader took the work of Robert Coleman's "Master Plan of Evangelism" and contextualized it to youth ministry.  It was a brilliant strategy for the 1980s - 1990s and served me very well during my decade as a youth pastor.  You may need to do some searching to discover the best training options for today - would love to have some of our youth ministry experts comment on this post and offer some suggestions!
2. Prayer unlocks hearts and opens doors.  When it comes to sharing the Gospel with people, prayer really is the key.  First off, when a believer begins praying for family and friends who do not yet know Jesus, God begins changing the heart of the one praying.  And, as our hearts change we become more sensitive to the working of the Holy Spirit in the lives of people, and more compassion, grace and truth begin flowing into those relationships.  Also, the clear teaching of Jesus is that no one comes to God unless the Holy Spirit draws them.  Prayer as our first strategy acknowledges our utter dependence upon God to change  hearts and takes the pressure off in a healthy way (while stirring our sense of urgency and passion for lost people at the same time).  Specific examples that I have used in the past are the "Top Ten Most Wanted List", and Life Transformation Groups.  
3. Plant new churches!  After serving in youth ministry Sandi and I planted a church in the small town of Williamston, Michigan.  We had never witnessed so many adults respond to the Gospel and begin a relationship with Jesus at any other time in our lives, before or since.  The first two years of that church planting endeavor were very fruitful - we honestly didn't know what to do with all of those who were responding (another topic for another day).  The best training I am aware of right now for church planting is called "Generate" - and if God is stirring your heart in that direction you should definitely check it out.
4. Learn how to engage in spiritual conversations and train others to do the same.  The best resource I have come across lately for this is "Q Place".  The basic idea?   We learn how to naturally and relationally build loving relationships, ask good questions, and share our grace stories with the people God places in our lives.  For me, this is a must for every disciple who cares about making disciples.
5. Look for an unmet need in your community that stirs your heart and help to meet it.  There is an old saying that goes like this: "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."  As corny as that may sound it is entirely true.  Something that stirs my heart lately?  The millions of people in our country (like me) who walk with an emotional and spiritual limp because someone they love is (or was) addicted to alcohol or drugs.  I have joined a local Al-Anon chapter and am building relationships with people who are trying to put their lives back together by escaping the trap of codependency.  In this group I am free to talk about my faith, my own journey, and how God has already brought so much healing into my life and relationships.  But I am also compelled to share my ongoing struggles as we help one another find the grace of God one day at a time.
6. Learn a simple method for sharing the Gospel.  So, you are meeting needs, having spiritual conversations, and praying everyday for the spiritual explorers in your life.  And then, one of them asks you how to begin a relationship with God.  What do you do?  What do you say?  The default setting for too many Christians is to invite them to church.  BIG MISTAKE!  Instead, share with them your own story and then explain to them the simple steps they can take to begin their own relationship with God.  The tool that has helped me more than any other in these situations has been the Bridge Illustration.  I encourage you to use it - or another tool that covers the A,B,Cs of the Gospel - so that you are not caught off guard when God opens that door!

Do I have a life worth imitating? (Disciple Making Essentials Series)

Last week I was coaching a pastor from Michigan.  We have been talking every other week for the past 6 months or so, and he is doing a great job refocusing the church he leads on making disciples (the one thing Jesus told us to do).  During the call he expressed some frustration.  The problem?  There is TOO MUCH information out there right now on how to make disciples.  Don't believe me?

I just Googled "discipleship".  In .36 seconds over 9,000,000 results were cranked out.  How about "making disciples"?  Well, it took a bit longer, but in .46 seconds Google delivered over 2,000,000 results.  Over the past 10 years there have been a glut of books, blogs (yes, that would include me), and training materials developed about discipleship.  In fact, for the typical pastor the sheer volume is overwhelming.  Where do you start?  Which system is best?  What is going to actually work for our church?

And then, the moment of truth came: "Tom, can you suggest a simple template for us to follow?"

Didn't he realize that those kind of questions are illegal in a coaching relationship?  I am suppose to help him answer that question!  I can't just go around suggesting simple processes for leaders to follow that will result in disciples making disciples, can I?  There are so many experts out there on this subject, wouldn't it be better to suggest a book or seminar?

And that's the point he was trying to make.  He has a shelf full of books, has been to many of the seminars, and is already sold on the vision.  The issue is not a lack of good information, the issue is too much information and too little modeling of a simple, repeatable process.

So, how do I respond?  I felt a little called out.  I felt a little like the disciples must have felt when Jesus looked at over 10,000 hungry people and said to them, "you give them something to eat".  But Lord, I complain, all I have are these two puny fish and these five loaves of half-stale bread!

My attempts to redirect didn't work.  He didn't flinch.  He was asking an honest question and he was waiting for an honest answer.  The truth?  I couldn't give him a good answer.  But I did make this promise: "within two weeks I will put something in writing that could help you draft a healthy disciple making process for your church".  And then, I made a promise to myself.  Whatever I share with him must be rooted in my own experience - I will not suggest that he do anything that I haven't personally experienced and found fruitful.

And so, I begin to share this with you today.  Keep three things in mind as you read on:

1. This is very much a work in progress.  6 months from now it could look different in certain ways (although I believe the essential components will remain intact).
2. This is auto-biographical to some extent.  Although I have attempted to boil everything down to universal, Biblical, and practical principles it will not be a good fit for every leader and every situation.
3. I value simplicity over complexity.  I am not shooting for a comprehensive, just in case approach.  Instead, I am aiming for a simple, reproducible template that is both meaningful and memorable.  Just in time training beats just in case memorization hands down.

It all begins by having a Life Worth Imitating

The center of the three overlapping circles - the sweet spot of confluence and integration, is a life worth imitating.  This is a pretty simple concept - we don't reproduce what we know, we reproduce who we are.  More is caught than taught - no matter how accurate the information or how slick the presentation.

OK, so how do we get a life worth imitating?

A personal encounter with the risen Christ

The upper left circle with the arrow-tipped cross represents the message of the Kingdom of God that Jesus proclaimed and personified.  This is the good news.  This is the Gospel.

The downward arrow?

• Jesus left heaven and was born of a virgin in the world he created
• Jesus died on a cross, paying the penalty for our sins, and was buried for three days

The upward arrow?

• After satisfying the wrath of God for the sin of the world, the sinless one conquered sin and death and rose again bodily
• Forty days after his resurrection he ascended to heaven where he now sits at the right hand of his Father

Down again?

• Upon returning to heaven he sent the promised Holy Spirit to indwell and empower his followers, making good on his promise to be with them always
• His church awaits his return, the promised second coming of Christ that will literally bring heaven back to earth

The horizontal arrows?

• In submission and love for his Father Jesus focused on two groups of people.  To his right were his followers, (he took ordinary fishermen and made them into fishers of men).  To his left were the lost sheep, (he came to seek and to save those who were lost).  When Jesus stretched his arms wide on that beam of wood - he demonstrated his love for both groups by spilling his blood.

The simpler version?  Jesus came, he lived, he made disciples, he died, he rose, he sent his Spirit, and one day he will return.

A life worth imitating begins when we repent of our sin and believe in God's one and only Son, Jesus Christ.

Loving God and loving people

The triangle represents the three crucial relationships for both Jesus and his followers.  Jesus lived his life UPWARD toward his Father, INWARD toward his followers, and OUTWARD toward the world.  

As I pattern my life after Jesus' example I begin demonstrating to others what a life worth imitating looks like.

Imitation over information

111/222 is a simple reference to two passages of scripture.

In 1 Corinthians 11:1 Paul says, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ."  Paul goes on to say to Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:2, "And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others."

This isn't cramming facts and figures into my short term memory to pass the written exam!  This is life on life apprenticeship.  And in this process we apprentice under another leader (we are Timothy getting discipled by Paul) and we apprentice others (we entrust what we have received to reliable people who are qualified to teach others).

When I follow a leader who is following Christ, and then invite others to follow me as I follow Christ, I activate a life worth imitating.

Let's be honest, I don't want you to imitate every single aspect of my life.  I mean, I can't park a car straight the first time to save my life, I have no sense of direction, and last week I threw my keys away in the trash at Starbucks and had to search through 3 trash cans before finding them.  In a lot of ways, I am a mess!

However, in that sphere of my life where my relationship with Jesus, the patterns of loving God and loving people, and those life on life discipling relationships intersect?  YES - imitate that all day long!

So, there you have it.  A skeleton of the first stage for a disciple making pathway.  Next up?  Putting some meat on the bones as we discuss best practices for each of the three building blocks for having a life worth imitating.

Influence or Control?

Something we learned early after Megan was born 20 years ago?  Parenting is not for the faint of heart.  It was astounding how that 2 year old would lock horns with us in a battle of the wills - and often win!  Seems to me like the teenage years are like the terrible twos all over again, except now they are bigger than you and have a drivers license...

The two best jokes I know about parenting?

• "Parents of teenagers know why some animals eat their young."
• "Grandchildren are God's gifts for not killing your children."

While Sandi and I patiently await our "reward" we continue reporting to work as mom and dad each day, rain or shine.  Three children ages 20, 17, and 15 comprise our assignment.  Some days are really good, some days are so-so, and some days we dream of boarding schools...overseas.

I was having one of those days recently (the kind that involved our children learning a foreign language in a galaxy far, far away).  I was standing at the kitchen sink doing the dishes churning inside.  Alone in the house I was fuming over one of our kids.  Why was I so worked up?  Had this child checked into rehab?  Had this child burned down the shed?  No.  In fact, they hadn't done anything "wrong", but they just weren't living up to my expectations.  In my mind they should be further along - doing more, doing better, leading their peers toward all that God had for them.

As I roiled internally I began fantasizing about the various ways I could "fix" the situation.  I could say this, or do that, or make them stop the other.  And as I began formulating a plan that was sure to set the child straight and show once and for all that I am right, God stopped me in my tracks.

I am not one well acquainted with visions, voices, ecstatic utterances, or the prophetic.  I am one of those boring Christians who basically read my Bible, try my best to understand it, and then make application to my life - very vanilla.  But here I am, doing the dishes, lecturing my child in my head, minding my own business, and God just interrupts.

And here is what he said, clear as a bell in my mind:

"DO NOT SQUANDER THE INFLUENCE YOU DO HAVE STRIVING FOR THE CONTROL YOU WILL NEVER HAVE."

I literally stopped what I was doing and just stood still for a moment.  I knew this didn't come from me (because I desperately want both influence AND control), and I had never heard or read it before.  Guess that leaves God.

The following day at church I wrote down that sentence and began reflecting on its significance.  Let me share three reflections I have had since.

1. Never confuse control for influence.  If you do, you will lose both (one of which you never had).  My sudsy encounter with God was a warning.  God was warning me that if I attempt to control my child I will not only fail, but I will also lose the influence I still have.
2. This parenting struggle, like most struggles, is a matter of trust.  Who do I honestly believe knows best?  Who knows exactly which experiences (including failures) our children need to develop into the people God is calling them to be?  Do I trust my attempts to manipulate, conjole, fix, and persuade more than God's grace and their ability to learn and grow?  How have my attempts to control gone thus far?  Is my compulsion to control driven by faith, or by fear?
3. What does it mean to be faithful in exercising the influence I do have?  First off, it means living out my faith and relationship with God transparently in front of our children.  Without the modeling the words don't mean much (in fact, they may do more harm than good).  Also, I need to be on the lookout for those teachable moments - and when they come to engage.  The funny thing about teachable moments, they never come on schedule.  So, I need to look for ways to spend time with our kids often, doing things they enjoy doing.  Quality time only comes in the ordinary shuffle of quantity time.