Today is Labor Day.
OK, so I didn't make the self-imposed deadline! But, the good news is I just completed the draft for chapter 6 and the book should be to our publisher by the end of the month!
Today I want to share an excerpt from chapter 6. I would love to hear some comments on this post - so step up and let your voice be heard!
I read this to Sandi yesterday over lunch, and I couldn't get through it without tears. I am so incredibly grateful for my wife, and for the grace of God in my life! You will see why...
I will never forget the first time I heard it. I was sitting in a Fort Wayne, Indiana
boardroom. I recall settling in for a
very long meeting (these were usually all day affairs).
Our leader, (then Regional Director Steve Jones who
currently serves as the President of the Missionary Church) made the following
statement:
There is an old
African proverb that says: “If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together.”
Click.
Time slowed down for me as I took this in. In an instant God had my full, undivided
attention and I knew in that moment He was sending a message through Steve.
Here was the message:
“Tom, in your
headlong pursuit to plant more churches and accomplish greater and greater
things for me, you have left Sandi behind.
Go back for her. I am sending you
to a place of blessing and impact, but you can only make this journey with her
at your side.”
I don’t recall another word uttered the rest of that
day. I was transfixed on the image of
leaving my wife behind. I knew it was
true, and it grieved me. Rising up beneath
the grief was a sense of urgency. “I
have to go back for her! I hope it’s not
too late!”
The year was 2011.
This was one of the catalytic events God used to reshape my life and our
marriage. This came during that period
of long walks while waiting on God to open doors. And this message became a key that would open
many doors. Going far together would
bring breakthrough, we just didn’t know how.
But, first things first; why did I leave Sandi behind to
begin with?
It was the book, “Covenant
and Kingdom” by Mike Breen that helped me understand this better. Mike makes a compelling argument for two
strands of DNA that run throughout all scripture: covenant and kingdom. Covenant is all about relationship and two
people becoming one, new identity. God’s
covenant with Abram illustrates the power of these relational ties. Abram’s name change to Abraham signified the
intimacy of covenant as he took on part of God’s name (just like Sandi’s name changed
through our covenant of marriage). It is
through covenant that we receive our truest identity.
Kingdom, on the other hand, speaks of responsibility,
authority, and power. When we engage
God’s kingdom the dead rise, the earth splits, and mountains blaze. If covenant is a romance novel, kingdom is a
fast paced, action packed thriller.
My problem? I was
attempting to earn my identity through kingdom accomplishments. My bigger problem? Since God gives identity by his grace through covenantal relationships, I was searching in
the wrong place. Believing I had to
somehow earn my identity I always felt compelled to do more. As I moved from one thing to the next in a
restless pursuit of identity and affirmation, Sandi grew weary and wounded.
This was our exact situation after I resigned from our
first church plant. Sandi was deeply
wounded, and my sense of identity and significance were threatened by my
apparent lack of success in leading our church to greater heights. I needed another win, and I needed it
quickly. So, we planted another church. This time we used a house church model, which
meant I also needed to find employment.
Hey, another opportunity to earn my identity! Why not start a new business to fund our
church plant and pay the bills for our family?
Great idea!
Let’s be clear about one thing; I was in no way, shape,
or form ready to plant another church. I, too, was deeply wounded, but I didn’t feel
like I had the time to address all of that.
In fact, I was emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. Sandi was reeling from all of the broken and
strained relationships that were left in the wake of my resignation. It was the worst possible time to attempt
another church plant. Yet, I felt driven
to do so.
That’s when I left Sandi behind. That’s when she got out and I drove off. She could not follow me. She tried her best to be supportive, but it
just wasn’t in her. Instead of leading
her into a season of rest and healing focused upon our covenant with God, one
another, and the friends who loved us I pushed her back into an ill-conceived
attempt to plant another church.
But, it gets worse.
I began viewing Sandi as a liability.
She couldn’t keep up with me anymore.
Her need to slow down and find healing through relationship and a grace
filled community felt like a weakness to me.
My attitude became, “Get over it already and help me build this new
church. Don’t you know that people are
going to hell?”
Once again, failure was not an option. Once again, our marriage paid a heavy price. And, once again, I justified my sinful
attitudes toward Sandi and my striving for something God had already given me
(identity as a beloved son) through spiritual sounding logic.
