Here's a question for those of you in some type of ministry role: has ministry helped or hurt your marriage?
In part one we will examine a simple question that may provide insight.
It all depends on how you answer the three questions we will ask in this series, starting with:
- Are you self-reliant?
When Jesus was tested by Satan after his baptism the first temptation came through these words: "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."
How was this a temptation? Jesus was hungry after forty days
of fasting, and as the Son of God he had the ability to turn stones into
bread. What’s the big deal?
This was a temptation because Satan was enticing Jesus to
meet a legitimate need (hunger) in an illegitimate way (right now through his
own efforts). Jesus had a decision to
make: “Do I finish my fast and then eat the food my father provides when he
decides to provide it, or do I take care of this hunger right now myself?”
Changing the stones to bread in that instance would have meant
choosing self-reliance over God-dependency.
It’s counterintuitive, but the one thing God’s people have
never handled well is success. We see
the pattern over and over again with Israel: they are oppressed by their
enemies, they cry out to God in faith and humility, God rescues them, they
become prosperous, they forget about God and rely upon themselves, they are
oppressed by their enemies…
The sin of self-reliance is reserved for the strong and
successful. The weak and broken are not
susceptible. Self-reliance is sin
because we elevate ourselves above God in our hearts, and that’s idolatry.
The glory of self-reliance is that I take all the credit
when I can make it happen. The misery of
self-reliance is that I take all the blame when everything falls apart, which
it always does. Yes, we know it will eventually
fall apart because God actively resists us when we trust in ourselves. James 4:6 says it plainly, God opposes the proud, but shows favor to
the humble.
In our marriage my self-reliant attitude created within
me a critical and judgmental spirit, especially toward Sandi. I was able to do this or that without any
help, why wasn’t she? The more I took
upon my shoulders the more I felt like her parent instead of her husband. I wanted her to become dependent upon me – it
made me feel better about myself but at the same time undermined my respect for
her. Choosing self-reliance over
God-dependency took its toll on our relationship in two ways: first, I looked
down upon Sandi because she was not as “strong” as I was. Second, when the pressure became too intense
and it all came crashing down I was emotionally taken out of our marriage. She was abandoned as I retreated into my
anger and depression.
Next time: Do you need the approval of others?
