We conclude this discussion of how ministry may be adversely affecting your marriage by looking at the third temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. So far we have demonstrated the ways self-reliance and approval seeking can cripple both your ministry and your marriage, we now move onto the temptation to take a short cut.
Satan took Jesus to a high mountain and showed him all the
kingdoms of the world and all their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you bow down and worship me." ~ Matthew 4:9
Jesus already knew that one day his father would give him
the name that is above every name. He
knew one day every knee would bow, and every tongue confess him as Lord. He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and
the end, and one day all of creation will acknowledge him as king of kings and
lord of lords.
Satan knew this also – and in his final temptation he
offered Jesus a short cut.
We take shortcuts
because ultimately we trust ourselves to achieve God’s purposes according to
our timing and methods.
- Abraham and Sarah took a shortcut by having a child through Hagar
- Jacob took a shortcut by stealing Esau’s birthright and deceiving his father into giving him the blessing of the first-born son
- Moses took a shortcut by killing the Egyptian in an attempt to gain freedom for the enslaved Jews
Shortcuts in ministry always bring immediate relief, but
long-term stress. And that long-term,
cumulative stress will erode the strongest marriage. In fact, once a leader begins justifying
shortcuts in ministry it is a very small step to begin justifying them in
marriage.
I took a shortcut while pastoring when I decided to hire a
youth pastor prematurely. John was a
good friend and he and his wife sacrificed much to help plant our church. I promised that as soon as the funds were
available he would be our first hire.
Only a year into the church plant, long before we were financially
viable, we raised enough money to bring John on staff.
Was having a youth pastor a good thing? Yes.
Did John do a good job ministering to students? Yes. Was
our church ready to take on an additional salary and launch a full-blown youth
ministry? Absolutely not! I totally forced the issue. By making it happen too soon there was
immediate relief (I kept a promise and John was very helpful to me as I led the
church) but there was an incredible amount of stress and pain a few years later
when our church had to let John go because we just couldn’t afford his salary
any longer.
Feeling stressed out and guilty about John, I began taking
other shortcuts attempting to fix the problem.
I convinced myself that if I took less salary, we could still keep John
on staff. So, I began giving leadership
to our denomination’s church planting efforts to reduce my financial burden on
our church. Immediate relief – we could
keep John on a few additional months.
However, with my focus now divided between a baby church plant (that
needed my full attention) and my new job with the denomination, my own stress
level crossed the redline.
Once my stress got out of control, my health and our
marriage started to suffer. I had
painted myself into a corner by taking shortcuts, and I could see no way
out. A year later, suffering from a
panic disorder, I resigned. There was huge
fallout, and the church never fully recovered.
We all paid a heavy price because I trusted my leadership instincts more
than I trusted God. By going into problem solving mode I was able to fix the short-term
issues, but in the end I mortgaged our future. I got what I wanted – what I believed God had
promised – right now, but by not waiting upon God’s timing and methods I missed
the far greater blessing.
Taking shortcuts is like trying to borrow your way out of
debt – the hole just keeps getting deeper.
The hidden reason I was willing to take those
shortcuts? I felt desperate to succeed
as a church planter. If the church plant
failed, I believed I would be a failure.
Since being a failure was not an option I was willing to do whatever it
took to lead our church into success. My
unresolved struggles with self-worth and identity blinded me to the long-term
consequences these shortcuts eventually brought.
So, before you accept that next ministry assignment or
continue sacrificing the wrong things for ministry “success” take stock of what
is really driving you. Talk to a good
friend who knows you well and loves you enough to speak the truth. Have a frank discussion about your track
record with the temptations of appetite (meeting a legitimate need
in an illegitimate way), approval (seeking self-worth and
identity in the affirmation of people), and ambition (taking
short-cuts that sacrifice long term health for short term gains).
