Last month Grant and I had the opportunity to hunt elk in western Colorado. This was one of those bucket list trips for me - something I desperately wanted to do with Grant before he headed off to college next year.
I thought we were going out west to hunt elk - but it turns out that God sent me on this trip to hunt for my own heart. There are certain longings God has placed in my heart (and in the heart of every man created in his image) that I had become disconnected from in recent years. Not only was this a trip to strengthen my relationship with my son, it was a quest to find my heart again and re-discover the passions that God has hard wired into it.
This post is primarily written for men, but if you are a woman (especially a wife or mother of a son) who wants to better understand what makes the men in your life tick, keep reading.
Colorado
Journal 2016
A compilation of quotes from “Wild at Heart", photos, and
journaling I did during our elk hunting trip September 6 – 17, 2016.
“A man’s life becomes an adventure, the whole thing takes on
a transcendent purpose when he releases control in exchange for the recovery of
the dreams in his heart.”
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and
do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Gil Bailie
Journal 9.11.16
Grant had his first close encounter with a bull elk this
morning. He was hunting out of a tent
blind and the elk came within 20 yards.
Grant said he was so close he could hear him breathe. Grant never got an open shot and the bull
bounded off after a cow. Grant wonders
if he was as prepared as he needed to be – that maybe he could have made the
shot if he had done something differently.
I am grateful for the opportunity he had to come face to face with such
a magnificent animal with only a bow and arrow.
“It’s not a question – it’s the question, the one every boy and man is longing to ask. Do I have what it takes? Am I powerful? Until a man knows he’s a man he will forever
be trying to prove he is one, while at the same time shrink from anything that
might reveal he is not. Most men live
their lives haunted by the question, or crippled by the answer they’ve been
given.”
I am writing from a ground blind I pieced together this
morning. I have yet to see an elk
although Ken has seen four so far; he sits about a quarter
mile away from me – Kenny (his son) is farther down yet.
There are ten of us in this hunting party – six guys from
Michigan, three of us from South Carolina, and one from North Carolina. We have been planning this trip for over a
year – it is, by far, the most expensive hunting trip I have ever been on. It is also doubling as Grant’s senior trip –
yes, he graduates high school in about ten months. He will turn 18 in May and enter into a new
stage of manhood. I turn 50 in May and
enter a new stage of life as well – and it is during the quiet and solitude of
this trip that I am seeking clues as to what this next season signifies – what
are the focal points during my fifth decade on this planet?
The place where I am looking for those clues? My own heart.
I believe vital clues are locked away within my heart. If I can find my heart and look deeply within
it I feel that I will know what to do.
This pursuit of my heart has been inspired by my third
reading of Wild at Heart by John
Eldredge. The opening paragraph is set
in the mountains of Colorado in pursuit of elk.
He compares the hunter’s pursuit of the elusive elk among the rugged
Rocky Mountains to his pursuit – and every man’s pursuit – of their own heart.
John believes there are three mythic longings in the heart
of every man created in God’s image:
- An adventure to embark upon - a quest
- An enemy to defeat - seeing myself as a warrior prepared for battle
- A beauty to rescue - the woman I fight for and who joins me on my quest
We pulled out of the driveway at 9:30 p.m. on Tuesday,
September 16 for our 32-hour journey to western Colorado. Dreaming of an opportunity to hunt bull elk
from within 50 yards, and through the lens of pursuing my heart, these are the
observations I have made thus far:
1 Elk live where the air is thin
Elk live in mountains.
For a hunter like me who lives at sea level this means I have to adjust
to an 8,500’ rise in altitude. And so
far this thin air is totally kicking my butt!
I hike about 30 – 60 minutes each day (twice today) to get to my stand. The hike to the stand is mostly uphill and
steep in a few places. And honestly, I
am panting, my heart pounding, the sweat dripping, and the muscles in the back
of my legs burning every time. It’s not
that difficult of a hike! I am in decent
shape! But, at 8,500’ I feel weak. They tell me my body will adjust eventually
and I will feel stronger again – but to chase elk I need to exert the effort to
breathe the same air they breathe.
Honestly, it would be much easier to hunt deer in South Carolina or
Michigan – but if I want to hunt elk I need to literally climb these mountains
and breathe the thin air.
