Jesus' surprising strategy for making disciples (The Discipling Funnel) - Part 1

We read in Matthew 13:1 - 3 "That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake.  Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore.  Then he told them many things in parables saying..."

Jesus knew how to gather huge crowds, and he knew what to do with them!  Why do so many people show up on this particular day?  We read in the previous chapter that Jesus did 3 significant things:

1. He confronted the Pharisees over their lifeless legalism and the way they were using religion to control people
2. He healed a man's shriveled hand (and later many others who were ill in the large crowd that followed him)
3. He healed a demon possessed man who was blind and mute 

PUT SIMPLY - JESUS MET PEOPLE'S NEEDS

What happens when someone has a need met in their life?  They tell everyone about it!  When a beggar finds an unlimited supply of bread he tells all of the other beggars.  And guess what?  They all show up the next day.

WHEN JESUS MEETS HUMAN NEEDS - CROWDS GATHER

Jesus' plan to attract large groups of people had nothing to do with marketing, great worship bands, beautiful facilities, or creative children's programing (nothing wrong with any of that, of course).  He loved people.  He served people.  He connected hurting people with the grace and power of the living God.  And then, he preached the Gospel of the Kingdom.

JESUS PREACHED THE GOSPEL

Mark 1:15 gives us the bottom line message that Jesus preached: "The time has come," he said.  "The kingdom of God has come near.  Repent and believe the good news!"

But, don't miss this!  Before Jesus preached the good news he incarnated the good news.  He WAS good news.  How?  He met people's needs by connecting them with the love and power of his Father.  It was first SHOW, and then TELL.

SOME BELIEVED HIS MESSAGE

OK, time for a gut check.  Not everyone Jesus preached to believed his message.  Did you catch that?  Many walked away.  Let that sink in to your heart for a moment.  I want you to feel the weight of this and see some of the implications for your own life and ministry.

We know that at one time Jesus ministered to well over 10,000 people (the feeding of the 5,000 in Matthew 14 - there were 5,000 men plus women and children).  10,000 people is an impressive gathering by anyone's standards.  If your church boasted over 10,000 in worship you would probably feel very successful.  But Jesus saw thing differently.  His plan was to whittle the huge crowds down into small groups of disciples that he would eventually train and send out.  He didn't chase those who walked away from his preaching - and he didn't tell people what they wanted to hear.  (His global plan to reach billions of people involved investing heavily in the few who responded.)

JESUS TAUGHT THE BELIEVERS

Picking back up in Matthew 13 we see that after Jesus launches his borrowed boat into the lake, he teaches the parable of the sower and the four soils.  Jesus teaches those who believed his preaching about how life actually works in the Kingdom of God.  In this teaching he explains why most who hear the Gospel don't respond to it with enduring faith.  While some respond initially with great excitement, they eventually fall away when the costs of discipleship become too great.  But, when the good seed of God's words is planted in the good soil of a trusting and submitted heart, the fruit is incredible!

I will examine the final stages of the funnel next time, but for now let's reflect upon what we have already observed.

1. The process of making disciples begins in the harvest.  Meeting the needs of hurting people is not just something we assign to the Red Cross or the government - it is the responsibility of every Christ follower.  We do not wait for them to show up in our churches.
2. When crowds gather we must seek out the responsive.  As we preach the Gospel we ask God to direct us to the good soil.  Recognizing the responsive is a critical skill for every Christian leader.  
3. As the crowds melt away we focus on those whom God has given us to disciple, not on those who leave.  This my friend, is gut wrenching.  But if we are able to find our security and significance in our true identity in Christ, and resist the compulsion to judge our worth based upon the response of the crowd, we are set free.  And once set free to make disciples in the way of Jesus, we will never want to go back.

Special thanks to long time friend and mentor, Steve Jones, for developing the Discipling Funnel.  Steve serves as the President of the Missionary Church.  I encourage you to watch his teaching on this.

D2 Part 2 - How God pulled me from the D2 pit as a college student

The other day I was talking with one of our kids about my college days.  I graduated High School in 1985 and that fall began an odyssey that many of us know as the "college experience".  

Looking back I now realize that I was stuck in the D2 pit (see last blog post) from my freshman year until I was a junior.  

Here is what I wrote in a letter I intend to send to all of our kids:

"Regarding college, I couldn’t make up my mind on what I wanted to study or where I wanted to study it.  I transferred into 4 different colleges in 4 consecutive semesters.  Just think about that one for a few minutes…

After getting off to a strong start academically my freshman year, things began to unravel a bit.  I just couldn’t seem to focus.  My motivation was waning and I didn’t care enough about what I was “suppose to do” or what other people thought about me to jump through a bunch of hoops that didn’t matter to me.  In fact, the only thing I knew for sure when I turned 20 was that I would be making my own decisions and if anyone tried to power up on me to push me one way or the other I was going to push back.  Yep – you might say I had a chip on my shoulder.

When I look back on that season, here are the 3 things that stand out to me in crystal clear 20/20 hindsight:

I struggled to trust God after disappointment

The disillusionment I felt with my Christian college experience created a crisis of faith.  I was so certain that God wanted me to go to this certain Christian College and study to become a pastor!  I had “known” this since I was 16 and had never looked back.  But I found the actual experience stifling, disingenuous, and bewildering.  On the one hand I was very popular (class president, blah, blah, blah), a hit with the ladies, and pulling a 4-point.  But I was miserable. 

There were only two possibilities in my mind: either God wanted me to be miserable, or I had not really discerned his will for my life and should never have chosen this college.  Neither option was good.  So, I pulled back from God, not sure I could trust him.  I also pulled back because I lost all confidence that I could truly discern his will for my life.  Something had gone terribly wrong, but I didn’t know for sure what it was.  Either way, I made an unconscious promise to myself to erect some walls for protection and to only trust myself to figure it out the best I could.

The grass in greener thinking

The reason I transferred to so many different schools in such a short period of time was my belief that if I could just find the right school I would be happy.  So, I bounced around a lot.  And it took a long time for the realization to dawn on me that the reason I was unhappy was internal, not external.  Honestly, I didn’t want to own this.  To admit that there was something wrong with me – or broken in me – was just too difficult to accept.  I struggled to take full ownership for my own stuff, my own attitudes, and the consequences of my choices.  But the reality that these problems kept following me around from place to place finally began to sink in.

God was saying; “You want to transfer schools, that’s fine with me – you want to blame other people for your problems, go right ahead.  Let’s see how this works out for you.”  For me, I had to do it my way first – and experience first hand the bankruptcy of living my life as an independent, self-reliant person.  Eventually I came to the end of myself, I felt exhausted, discouraged and very humbled.  My experiment with putting God on the shelf for a few years while I made all of my own decisions wasn’t working out well at all, and by the summer of 1987 I was ready to admit the truth.

Finding a purpose bigger than myself

The turning point for me came in 2 phases.  First, Sandi and I started dating again during the summer of 1987.  She had just graduated from High School and I was entering my junior year.  This was significant for me because she represented a vision of serving God and doing something truly significant in life with her at my side that I had lost sight of in the focus on my own happiness.  (That probably sounds very corny, but it’s the truth.)  The other shift occurred when I was a living in London.  I was asked to lead a Bible study for a group of students during a weekend retreat.  It had been a long time since I had done anything like that – and I remember how nervous I felt. 

God led me to this passage in Philippians 2:

“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking on the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross!  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name…”

Looking at the example of Christ with fresh eyes literally changed my life.  God was asking me to follow in the footsteps of Jesus – which meant humbling myself.  And not only humbling myself, but submitting myself to God (knowing that it would mean sacrifice and suffering along the way) in faith that God, in the long run, had grace, blessing, and glory in store for me.  To submit to God, with no strings attached, trusting that no matter what his plans for me were better than anything I could dream up on my own, brought renewal and joy back into my life. 

I still remember leading those Bible studies that weekend – I was absolutely overflowing with joy and gratitude.  Gratitude because God was including me in his kingdom work of changing the lives of people.  I grabbed onto that vision and it has driven the course of my life for over 28 years.  Yes, there have been seasons of suffering and sacrifice (the call to follow Jesus is a call to take up our cross and die to the competing gods that call out to us), but I have been blessed beyond measure since that day.  I now had a compass – I knew what my true north was, and life started making sense to me and the decisions came much easier."

My take-aways from this?

1. People in D2 have lost their vision and feel disoriented and wary.  We don't need someone to tell us what we are doing wrong in D2, or someone simply to tell us what we should do.  We need a guide who knows where he is going to walk alongside us!
2. A lack of humility and submission will keep you in D2.  Just like AA or any other 12-step program, the first step is to admit your own powerlessness and need for God's help and control.  The pathway out of D2 is spelled "G-R-A-C-E".
3. Healthy Christian community is a powerful antidote for prolonged D2.  It was precisely because God had planted me in a group of growing Christians that I began getting traction.  Their example, friendship, and challenge to step up and lead made all the difference.

How to climb out of the D2 Pit...and how to lead others from despair to grace - Part 1

Last week I talked about the concept of "D2" - a reference from Mike Breen's "Building a Discipling Culture".  Today I want to expand on this discussion and share some of my very own art work!

When we, or someone we are discipling, hit D2 it's like falling into a pit.  What happens when you fall into a pit?

• You feel stuck
• You get frustrated
• You lose sight of the destination
• You feel isolated
• You feel like a failure

What happens if you stay in the D2 pit too long?  You eventually lose hope and, in time, make yourself as comfortable as possible.  (Notice how our stick man goes from standing up to sitting down watching TV.)  This is where many leaders and churches find themselves at the moment.  They can recall the glory days when God seemed so close, their faith was so real, and there was joy and fruit overflowing from their lives.  But, those days were a long time ago, and while they go through the motions of life and ministry, they no longer expect God to show up in power.  At least not for them...

Here's another thing all of us know about D2 - we much prefer D1 when everything was new and exciting!  D1 is that honeymoon phase we enjoy when our church implements a new program that promises to cure whatever ails us.  D1 is the excitement and determination we feel in January as we begin that new diet and exercise plan.  D1 feels great - all of us love D1!  

The only problem with D1?

1. We lack the experience to navigate the new goal skillfully
2. We haven't built up the muscles needed to sustain the new vision
3. It is ALWAYS followed by D2

So, one of the ways we deal with the hardship and disappointment of D2 is to shift back into a new D1.  We have become addicted to the new and shiny.  Feeling stuck?  Try this new product, this new pill, this new program!  We have become the children of Israel who want to go back to Egypt...

What do we need to climb out of the D2 pit?

We need a leader, a coach, or a mentor to serve us.  How?

1. We need to be reminded of the vision.  Since we are in a pit we have lost sight of the destination.  Our coach, standing on level ground, can still see the promised land.  She can describe it for us in detail.  And, as she speaks words of vision back into our soul, we remember why the journey is so important.  The vision, now refreshed in our mind and heart, fuels us to begin the long climb out of D2.
2. We need our coach to stay with us.  We need her time and attention.  There is no place more lonely than D2.  The realization that we are not alone, not forsaken, and possessing enough value for someone we respect to wait for us breathes hope and grace into our despair.
3. We need the leader we are following to remind us of God's grace.  One of the reasons we are stuck in this pit?  Self-reliance.  We believed that if we were committed enough, tried hard enough, pushed long enough, we would eventually get there.  In our zeal to serve God and do something important for him, we lost sight of the Gospel.  We forgot that without Christ we can do nothing, and that only through Christ can we do everything.  

This morning I read 2 Corinthians 4:7:

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

The best and brightest of us are only clay jars.  So, let's not take ourselves too seriously.  Instead, let's take God more seriously!  Only God changes hearts, only God brings dead things back to life, and only God can build his church.  Our part?  We trust him and not ourselves.  Period.

Find the grace, follow the grace.  Soon your feet will be back on level ground.

Bacon, Brokenness, and Psalm 51...Reflections on Leadership and Repentance

I had breakfast this morning with our son, Grant.  We are in a season right now of meeting for breakfast once a week, eating French Toast and bacon (there HAS to be bacon!) and talking over a passage of scripture and asking one another a few accountability questions.  Grant is 15 years old, we started doing this a few years ago and it has been one of the better investments I have ever made as a father.  (I am considering writing a book on parenting titled, "Bacon and the Art of Fatherhood".)

Today we talked about Psalm 51.  We were both encouraged by David's broken, contrite heart before the Lord.  We felt challenged by the way David owned his sin - not attempting to hide or blame someone else (like Adam and Eve...and you...and me).  Of course, it took David a long time to finally own up to his sin with Bathsheba and the bloody cover up, but when confronted by Nathan the prophet he finally surrendered his stubborn will and cried out to God for forgiveness.  It's a compelling, sobering, hopeful story.

It is hopeful because we all visit this place from time to time, this place of brokenness and failure.  In my coaching ministry we refer to this as "D2" (a term Mike Breen uses in his book, "Building a Discipling Culture").  D2 is that wall you hit that knocks you backwards.  D2 is that moment of realization that you are stuck and don't know how to move forward.  D2 is the gut check that comes when you have to choose between holding onto your pride and self reliance or reaching out for God's grace on your knees in humility and submission.  D2 is a test of courage. 

And for Grant and me, also a test of manhood.

I would like to share a journal entry from a few years ago - the very day that D2 knocked me to the pavement and bloodied my knees.  I share this for every leader and pastor that I know - you men and women are my heroes.  When D2 comes (and it always comes) DO NOT lose heart - follow God's grace into repentance and trust!


Journal Entry March 26, 2012

I woke up this morning and my first thought was “cease striving”. My second thought was “apart from me you can do nothing”.

The truth is that I have so desperately wanted to begin functioning as a credible leader in a disciple making context that I have been pressing. Trusting my own instincts and grasping at the first opportunities that came along I jumped in with both feet.

Although I have learned much over the past 6 months - although God has been gracious to me - the reality is that I have been stuck in D2. I have found the process difficult, frustrating, painfully slow, and at times, bewildering. My first person of peace got fired from her job and left the area. The six people I invited into our first huddle are fading. One couple not only left our huddle
but our Life Group and church as well. The other two never really understood the leadership multiplication challenge because I did a poor job explaining it. And now that they have hit D2 they are back peddling and I seriously doubt if anyone will be left standing from the original group by summer other than Sandi and me.

And yet, even though I have not put forth the same effort God is bringing to me several persons of peace (in a leadership sense) from the Missionary Church and from our Lansing Network. But, this was not “my plan”. I wanted to lead these groups after I had successfully implemented the process in my immediate context. But now, if I am to lead these pastors and church planters, I will be leading them out of my weakness instead of my expertise. I will be joining them in learning what it means to live and lead like Jesus as I pick up the pieces, link arms with Sandi, and begin again. I will join the Learning Community as a fellow student this fall in Ft. Wayne. No pretense, no ego-preservation, no status...

The question I believe God is asking me right now is “Tom, are you OK with that?”

My answer? “Yes!” I find that whenever God asks me to humble myself in a public way he is always up to something good in my life, always preparing me for a season of fruitfulness. So, my decision is to walk through this process, however long it takes. I choose to humble myself for this season trusting that God will work in me - and eventually, through me. Does this feel good right now? No, it feels like I am dying to something inside of me that is scratching and clawing to stay alive. But I know this is God’s will, and I will just have to trust him with the process. 

Sandi reflecting on marriage...coaching for couples who want all God has for them

25 years ago Tom and I said, “I do” and became Mr. and Mrs. Blaylock.  Tom was fresh out of college and I was just over 20 years old.  I look back at our wedding photos and I think, “Who are those young (and might I add good looking) kids?”  I’m thankful for the wonderful adventure that Tom and I have been on since August 19, 1989 and look forward to many more happy years serving God and each other.   We’ve learned a few things about commitment, relationships, love and sacrifice along the way.

We celebrated this silver anniversary by going on a cruise to the Bahamas.  Regardless of our budget, we have always done something to honor each year that goes by.  Usually we do something simple like dinner and a movie, but we wanted to make this year special.  The best thing about the cruise was that we were able to focus on each other without distractions and stress.  

  

Sometimes it is really helpful to focus on the things that are going well and celebrate them. While we were on the cruise, we each wrote a list of the top 10 things we appreciated about each other. It was truly healing and beneficial to focus on the positive things about each other and write them down.  I didn’t spend any time thinking about negative things or things we need to work on; it was a list about grace and gratitude.  I wrote down the things you would expect to be on this type of list, that Tom is a man of integrity who loves God and is a strong leader who has influenced many to follow Christ.  I wrote that he is a great father and teacher but I also got more personal and wrote about how God has uniquely used Tom to speak love into my life.   We sat in the sunshine on the deck and shared our lists, one at a time.    I was surprised by the things that Tom seemed most pleased that I wrote.  He really liked my #8 item, “You adore me and make it known”.   I really liked his #7, “When I needed her most, Sandi has always stood by me”.  We both felt loved and respected as a result. 

After 25 years, here are a few things I encourage all couples to do:

1.     Love and respect each other – even when you don’t feel like it. (Ephesians 5:33)  For me this means speaking positively about one another in public and especially in front of the kids.   This means choosing to put each other’s needs above your own and trusting that God will provide.

2.     Invest in your relationship and not necessarily in stuff.  For us this means that we spend some money on vacations instead of buying a newer car.  It means that we have prioritized time together as a couple and as a family over working the extra hours to buy the next big thing.  This has paid off because we have things to share with each other and talk about when we are together.  (Matthew 6:21)

3.     Find time together – and time apart. I am an extrovert who loves to be around people but Tom is more of an introvert and recharges when he is by himself.  Find activities that you enjoy doing together and some that you enjoy doing apart.  We have to do both to be balanced and healthy.    This means I have to remember to give Tom some alone time and I have to trust God to meet my friendship needs.

4.     Create rhythms of up, in and out for your marriage and family.  Pray together on a scheduled basis, read scripture, and assist each other in the things that God has called you to do.  These don’t have to be difficult things, but they have to be consistent things that are sustainable and repeatable.  Put a few things on your calendar and stick to them.  We have a family “up” time on Tuesday nights where we read scripture and talk about it with the kids.  Tom and I pray together each night before we go to bed.  Thursday is “in” night and we try to get together with other believers to build relationships.   Once a month on a Saturday we host a breakfast in our home as a way to reach “out” to our neighborhood.   These are simple things but they keep us on track with God and with each other.

5.     Be your spouse’s best cheerleader and let them know that you believe in them.  Allow them to share hopes and dreams without fear of shame or ridicule.  This means going first by sharing your ideas with your spouse and looking at the positive parts of their ideas before you offer any advice or criticism.  Learn to ask questions to bring out their ideas instead of telling them what you think they should do.

6.     Laugh together and learn from your mistakes.

There are so many things that have been helpful for us and our marriage – including counseling.   God’s love and grace has allowed us to extend love and grace to each other.  I look forward to many more years with Tom.  As we get older we say we are “living the dream”. We always wanted to grow old together and now we are doing just that.    

Marriage, grace, and old dogs learning new tricks: How to grow your marriage

Two weeks ago Sandi and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.  The actual date of our anniversary was back in August, but on January 13th we boarded a cruise ship out of Charleston and spent 5 nights with no cell phones, no texting, no internet, no Trivia Crack, no Facebook, and no email.  We unplugged from everything and just relaxed and enjoyed being together.  It was wonderful - truly a gift from God.  (I can not overstate the qualitative difference it made for us to step away from all social media and texting - we were able to breathe again and communicate at a deeper level.)

One day Sandi wanted to exercise and I wanted to nap - so I had a few moments to myself.  Instead of napping I began thinking about the treasure I have in Sandi and in our marriage.  Like any couple, we've had our ups and downs over the years, but on this occasion I felt so grateful for the way God has poured out his grace through Sandi that I needed to do something about it.  So, I wrote a Top 10 for Sandi, here are a few highlights:

#10 ~ Sandi has learned how to speak my love language: Acts of Service.  Every ironed shirt says, "I love you".

#5 ~ Sandi encourages and challenges me in so many ways.  Without her I would have lacked the courage and confidence to plant churches.  God used her to affirm his calling, and still does.

#2 ~ Since the evening Sandi and I sat on that Mackinac Island dock - back in 1987 - I knew with absolute certainty that she was the woman I wanted by my side for the rest of my life.  That was over 27 years ago, and I have never regretted or second guessed that decision.  We have gone through a few rough patches (mostly my fault) but I never wanted to be with anyone else.  She is the only one.

#1 ~ With a woman like Sandi as my wife, I believe our best days are yet to come.  In a couple of short years we will be empty nesters, and someday grandparents - and she will make all of that so much sweeter.  I don't look forward to growing old with Sandi, I look forward to growing bold together as we live, love, and hopefully laugh.

My encouragements for you as I reflect on over 25 years of marriage?

1. Learn how to speak one another's love language.  For most of us this will feel counter-intuitive at first, since your spouse's love language is probably different than yours.  Sandi needs quality time and focused attention to feel loved.  Doing the dishes or giving her gifts just don't communicate what she needs to hear.  But engaged conversation, going grocery shopping with her and helping to plan meals, long walks in the evening, and special times when just the two of us can get away and be together?  Bingo.
2. Always speak with respect to one another and about one another - especially in front of the kids.  Honoring your spouse with your words is crucial.  If communication in marriage degenerates into contempt or constant complaint - seek out a qualified Christian counselor right away - you are probably in more danger than you realize.  Find safe and private ways to vent your frustrations.  We give ourselves permission on our walks to blow off steam about our jobs, the kids, our marriage, whatever.  But we try to never turn these into a personal attack.  
3. Pray together and read God's word together - often.  The glue that has held us together for so many years?  Our mutual love and submission to God.  With Christ as our true north we always pull together when we are both seeking him with all of our hearts.  We pray together just about every night, and read the Bible out loud together.  These are the rhythms of life for the Christian marriage.

We would love to hear your insights on marriage!  How would you encourage that young couple just home from their honeymoon?

Our word for 2015? GRACE!

First off, I want to wish all of you a prosperous and joyful new year.  May you know in your heart and believe fully that your best - and most blessed - days are yet ahead.  (This is bedrock truth for all Christians of all ages in any circumstance.)

As Sandi and I have talked and prayed about 2015 we feel led to this word: Grace.  We are positioning our hearts and minds to receive and extend God's grace this year.  It is our intention to:

1. Look for God's grace
2. Find God's grace
3. Follow God's grace
4. Extend God's grace

This began to settle in my mind last Sunday.  We just completed the grueling 16 hour drive from Michigan back to Pawleys Island the day before.  We slept in that morning, sat down for waffles, bacon and eggs as a family, and then went to church.  Usually Grant has to hustle into work on Sunday mornings, and then meet us at church, but he took the day off.  There was no rushing.  

After church we planned to use a gift certificate to one of our favorite restaurants that the kids bought Sandi for Christmas - but we were still full from all of those waffles!  So, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and walk the beach.  It was sunny and almost 70 degrees...on December 28th!  After 46 years living in Michigan this was too good to be true.  We somehow realized that this moment was a gift from a Father who delights in giving good gifts to his children.  So, with grateful hearts we simply received it.  And I felt something inside of me exhale...

As we finished lunch the dessert question was posed by our waitress.  (Did I mention that our favorite restaurant is also on the pricey side?  The dessert by itself could buy a number 5 - Biggie Sized - at Wendys!)  All eyes turn to me at this critical moment.  If anyone is going to shoot down the prospect of dessert at a restaurant that provides actual silverware it will be tight-wad Dad!  But this amazing thing happened; instead of feeling anxiety over the bill and how it will impact our budget I felt like being generous.  I told the kids to go for it!  We stayed another 10 minutes while they devoured their shake and we enjoyed just being together.  Feeding your children is an obligation, but buying dessert is grace.  After basking in God's grace all morning and afternoon, I wanted to extend it.

So, what exactly is grace?  As a high school student I was given this definition:

God's
Riches
At
Christ's
Expense

I still like this definition - it is Gospel-centered, Biblical, and memorable.  It elevates Christ and reminds me of my rich inheritance as God's child.

Another insight?  Tim Chester says:

"God is gracious...so I don't have to prove myself."

I have come to love this concept in recent months!  It reminds me that grace can never be earned or repaid.  As Dallas Willard said: "Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning."

So, as Sandi and I look for God's grace in 2015, here are some bread crumbs we will pay better attention to:

1. People taking precedence over projects.  As a recovering "get-out-of-my-way-so-I-can-get-it-done" leader, I am realizing that since I have nothing to prove (or to earn) I can relax more often.  Yes, I would always prefer to get it all done today and move on to the next project tomorrow, but it's OK if things get delayed because I spend more time in conversation, or say yes to playing catch with Grant, or decide to cook the kids fried egg sandwiches for breakfast.  When it comes to getting the job done and loving the people God has placed in my life - there is grace enough for both.  As I release my compulsion to prove myself through productivity, I find more room for relational engagement and enjoyment.
2. Unscheduled time.  Sandi and I were looking at our property the other day, dreaming about what kind of landscaping we might do this spring.  As we walked in front of the house I noticed the "set backs".  Set backs refer to the spacing that must exist (enforced by zoning laws) between your house and the properties around it.  Good zoning laws result in good spacing, or green space.  One of the things we love about this neighborhood is the green space.  And the funny thing is that green space serves no utilitarian purpose.  You can't build on it.  You can't really make it productive in any way.  It just is.  Green space gives margin, visual enjoyment, and for some reason makes us feel more relaxed simply by its presence.  Unscheduled, unhurried time is like green space for the soul.  Saying "no" to a crammed schedule means saying "yes" to more margin and green space.  And I always find God's grace there.  A good example from our walk on the beach the other day?  Because we were not rushing off to the next thing we took about 30 minutes to meet and talk with a man named Bruce about his dog.  He has a Boykin Spaniel, and we are seriously considering getting a Boykin this spring.  Phone numbers were exchanged, a breeder was recommended in a nearby town, and we made a connection with a neighbor who lives across the street from some mutual friends.  Those are bread crumbs of grace - and we intend to follow them to see where they lead.

I was talking with a dear friend last week about our observation that as some people get older, they get more cranky.  But, other people mellow out and become more gracious.  My dad mellowed out in his 60s - and it was a beautiful thing to experience as a son.  I want to follow my dad's example and grow in grace and graciousness as I near the half century mark.  Our word for 2015 is "Grace" - what is yours?