How to hear God's voice when life gets bumpy

In Mark 1:15 Jesus declares, “The time has come…The kingdom of God has come near.  Repent and believe the good news!”

The Greek word for “time” in this passage is “kairos”.  And, unlike the Greek word for chronological time, kairos carries with it the idea of “the right time”, or “the appointed time”.  (See Mike Breen’s book, “Building a Discipling Culture” for an excellent treatment of this.)

Jesus was, in effect, saying, “Now is the right time for you!  God’s kingdom is breaking into your reality in a way that you can perceive it.  Change your heart and mind and live out your belief in God!”

Our family often talks about “kairos events” or “having a kairos”.  And, what we mean is that we have experienced one of those divine “Aha!” moments through which God is trying to get our attention.

Today I want to reflect specifically upon those kairos experiences used by God to warn us.  The biblical language for this would be correction, rebuke, or reproof.  The basic idea is that if we continue on our current path, at our current pace, something bad is going to happen IF we don’t repent and believe the good news.

I am a visual learner, so I tend to think of these kinds of kairos experiences as:

• Speed bumps
• Rumble strips
• Brick wall

Anyone who has driven a car for any length of time is familiar with these obstacles.  In parking lots we encounter speed bumps.  Their purpose?  To slow us down and to keep those on foot safe.  On highways we sometimes drift onto rumble strips.  Their purpose?  To warn us of immediate danger and to help us correct course.  And, some of us have had the physics lesson of a vehicle in motion colliding with an immovable object.  Splat!

How has this played out in real life for Sandi and me?

About 12 years ago Sandi and I were hitting some communication snags in our marriage.  We blissfully cruised through the first 10 years of wedded matrimony with hardly a scratch, but after our third child and our first church plant things got dicey.  We started arguing over silly things, and certain topics sent us on a downward spiral that was difficult to pull out of.  We were hitting speed bumps and the kairos was “slow down and pay attention, God has something important to say that will keep you out of danger”.

So, we did the reasonable thing and went to Christian counseling.  The first few weeks were wonderful as the counselor talked with Sandi about the ways she might be contributing to our recent struggles.  I came home each time feeling great and excited to see what changes Sandi was going to make!  Then the moment came when he turned to me…  He began asking me about my relationship with my parents.  He started suggesting that I may have brought some baggage into our marriage that was creating problems for us.

Rumble, Rumble…Rumble, Rumble…

I was feeling the vibration of the rumble strips, and I panicked.  We got into the car after that counseling session and I told Sandi we were never going back to that counselor.  And we never did.

Instead of correcting course (repenting and believing) I chose to not deal with the deeper issues.  At the time it just felt too painful, and I was too proud to accept the possibility that I was the source of the problem.

So, we trudged forward, but never experienced the healing or breakthrough that we both longed for.

Fast-forward 10 years.  Sandi and I are on a beach in South Carolina having a relaxing getaway.  And then, seemingly out of the blue, we stumble on one of those forbidden topics.  Within a few minutes we are going at each other.  And right in the middle of our argument, I experience a significant kairos.  The realization dawns on me that we have been having this exact same argument for 10 years!

It was a stunning and desperate observation.  It made me feel incredibly stuck.  An urgency began growing inside of me that day to get unstuck – to break free somehow and finally get past this same, stupid argument.

Two weeks later the other shoe drops, and God speaks to me again.  I was on an airplane with our son flying to Kansas for a pheasant hunting trip.  As I sat there in the quiet my mind circled back to that argument on the beach, to my feelings of frustration and desperation, and to a growing sense of helplessness.  And then, God whispered to my mind and heart three simple words: “It’s your issue.” 

Brick wall.

There was no ignoring this.  There was no place to hide.  There was nobody else to blame.  The time had come for me to own what God had been saying to me over all of these years.  I stopped.  I repented.  I was finally able to trust God to go places inside of me that needed healing.  I no longer cared about being right – I wanted our marriage back.  It was the appointed time.

Over the next six months God did bring deep healing into my life and into our marriage.  It involved me seeking out Christian counseling and starting up where I had left off 10 years before.  How I wished I would have heeded God’s voice sooner! 

The speed bump, the rumble strip, or the brick wall.   What will it take for you to listen and respond to what God is saying to you?

Why my first missional community was such a disaster

Two years ago I felt compelled to transform the small group Sandi and I had been leading into a missional community.  I conducted interviews with experienced missional community leaders, read the books, did my research, and was ready to shift into high gear!  We had about 15 adults in our home every Sunday night, and it was time to kick some missional butt.

The plan was to begin serving at St. Vincent Children's Home in Lansing, Michigan.  I had already become an approved mentor and had taken our group through the initial orientation process.  It was a 30 minute drive each way, but so what?  Like Jesus, we were sent to seek and save those far from God and in need - nothing could stop us now!

Fast forward three months.  I am the only one serving at St. Vincent.  Several families have left our small group.  The leadership huddle we started was dead in the water.  And once again, Sandi had that "I told you so" look in her eyes (although she was kind enough to not actually speak the words).

I so was frustrated.  I was so disappointed in the other members of our small group who were suppose to care about orphans and widows!  And, as a leader, I felt like a complete failure.

What went wrong?  Simply put, I ignored the wisdom of dream big, start small, and go first.

In my zeal for mission I dreamed big, started big, and tried recruiting our group to all dive into the deep end of the pool on the count of three.  And, predictably, I was the only one who got wet.

Fast forward two years.  Our family is now living in Pawleys Island, South Carolina and we are moving into a new neighborhood called Hagley.  Sandi and I had been practicing the following rhythms with our family for the past ten months:

• Tuesday dinner is our UP night.  After the meal we read a chapter of the Bible, each person has a chance to discuss the section they found most interesting, and then we pray for one another.
• Thursday dinner is IN night.  We invite another family (or our kids invite a friend or two) into our home for a meal.  Usually these are fellow Christians who we want to get to know better and encourage.  After the meal we share our highs and lows from the past week and sometimes pray for special needs.
• Once a month we hold a Saturday brunch, and we invite several families from the neighborhood.  This is our monthly OUT.  We simply tell people that we are the new family and we are trying to meet our neighbors.  Sandi and I invite people as we take our evening walk and say hello to everyone we pass.  We stop and talk with those who smile and say hello back - and we usually mention the date of our next brunch.

And, that's it.  Not very sexy is it?  Pretty simple.

In just a few months we've had about 20 neighbors in our home.  We have prayed for people sick with cancer, grieving the death of a parent, and preparing for major surgery.  We've had others back into our home for a Thursday meal and shared stories about our faith journeys.  But the very first door God opened was with an older couple living behind us.  Sid had been recently diagnosed with cancer.  His faith was strong, but the chemo was taking its tool on his body.  We prayed with Sid and Mary Sue the very first time we met them, and they were in our home for brunch the following day.  Later that week as Sandi and I walked past their house we noticed something.  Their grass needed to be cut.

"Who cuts their grass?" we wondered.  So, we asked them and found out one of their children drove in from the next town over and took care of their lawn.  I immediately knew what small step God wanted us to take.  I told Sid not to worry about his lawn, and not to ask their daughter to drive over to mow it any longer.  Our family would be cutting the lawn from now on.

Our son and I have followed through on that simple promise over the past two months.  It is a very small step toward a very big dream of uniting the Christ followers in Hagley to love and support one another and become the hands and feet of Jesus to the entire community as God brings people our way.  Sid and Mary Sue are now the first ones we call when we learn of a need.  They are starting to feel like family to us, and together we are starting to feel like missionaries.

Our focus now is to live out the daily rhythms of UP-IN-OUT and to invite others to join us.  No more counting to three and hoping everyone is ready to dive in.

How to lead yourself when you hit a dead end...

In Exodus 17 we read the account of God leading Moses and the Israelites to a place named "Massah" (the place of testing) also known as "Meribah" (the place of arguing").

What was the problem?  A simple one.  There was no water.  The people were dying of thirst.

This simple problem, however, gets more complicated when you recall what Moses used for his GPS.  "The LORD guided them by a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night.  That way they could travel whether it was day or night."  (Exodus 13:21)

Now you begin to see why this was such a huge test for Isael, why there was so much arguing, and why Moses feared for his life as men begain picking up stones.

God had led them here, to this place without water, on purpose.  Just let those words sink in for a few seconds.

Why would God purposely lead his people to a deadly dead end?  Or, more personally for Sandi and me right now, why would God lead us to move our family over 800 miles to South Carolina knowing the company we planned to work for would restructure their entire operation leaving us both without jobs in less than a year?  (Yes, this one hits very close to home…)

We all hit these kind of dead ends from time to time.  Unexpected losses, illnesses, financial reversals, relational disappointments, and dreams that eventually die are not strangers to us.  But, when you are suppose to be a leader, and people are looking to you for direction, what are you to do?

1.  Plead with the Lord

After Moses is confronted by the angry, thirsy mob he turns to the Lord and pleads, "What should I do with these people?  They are about to stone me!"

"What should I do?" is a good prayer for all of us at a dead end.  The reality is we don't know what to do (because if we did we would do it already!).  A prayer of humility is always a good start - "I am overwhelmed and confused Lord.  I don't know what to do, I don't even know what to think right now.  Would you help me?  Would you lead me?"

2.  Remember the former dead ends that God transformed into highways

Why wasn't Moses panicked and angry at God like everyone else?  What did Moses know that they didn't?  What was his secret?

Moses remembered.  He remembered how God separated the waters of the Red Sea to literally create a highway through the depths.  He also remembered how God released the waters to protect Israel from their tormentors.  He recalled how God turned the bitter waters at Marah into Aquafina after showing him a branch to toss in.  And, he remembered what he ate for breakfast that very morning - manna.  The daily bread that sustained Israel for 40 years.

God's past faithfulness become levers that move mountains...

3.  Leave the heavy lifting to God while being faithful in the small stuff

The logic of faith says that if God leads you to point A he will also supply the necessary provision for you to do whatever he is asking.  God led Israel to Meribah, God asked Moses to lead them all the way to the Promised Land, thus God must provide (in his own way, in his own time, to achieve his own purposes).  In the end God tells Moses to take a few leaders and whack a rock with a stick.  The result?  Water gushed out.

Moses had a job to do.  He had to call some of the leadres together.  He needed to take them ahead of the people.  And it was his job to strike the rock with his staff.  He needed to be faithful to what God had called him to do and what God has placed in his hands.  (We learn just how important this is the next time God asks Moses to retrieve water from a rock in Numbers 20:11-12.)

God's job?  To do what only he could do.  Give his children their daily bread (in this case their daily water) in the most challenging of circumstances.  

What are Sandi and I doing right now to be faithful?  We are applying for jobs.  We are starting a coaching business.  I plan to go back to painting houses until something opens up.  Since we believe God led us here, we believe that he will do for us what only he can do.  And honestly, some days we say, "Lord, we do believe, but help us in our unbelief!"

So, why did God bring our family to Pawleys Island, South Carolina knowing we would lose our jobs?  We get a clue on a possible reason at the end of the story of Meribah.  The people tested the Lord by saying, "Is the LORD going to take care of us, or not?"

As we follow God in a spirit of humility, as we strive to maintain a clean conscience, and as we are faithful to what God has asked us to do - it all comes down to that question: do we believe our Father is going to take care of us, or not?

What does a life worth imitating look like?

In my early 20s I served as a youth pastor in Michigan.  Those were some of the best years of my life! As newlyweds, Sandi and I threw our hearts into those students and God transformed all of us.

But there was one problem...

The church couldn't afford a full time youth pastor.  So, I had to find another job.  I ended up working on a concrete crew pouring basements, driveways,  sidewalks, etc.  The business owner was a tremendous Christian named Rick.  He was 6'2", full of muscles, and tough as nails.  Rick also had an incredibly soft heart for God and, in particular, had a passion to teach children God's word.  He was a gentle giant that I love and respect to this day.

That first year working for Rick consisted of shoveling dirt, pounding nails, washing tools, and pulling the concrete as it came out of the truck with a rake kind of tool that we called, interestingly enough, a "puller".  I was never allowed on the concrete once it was level and ready to "finish".  

And so, I would literally sit for hours watching Rick and Jim finish the concrete.  They were on their knees scrubbing the top layer back and forth and then smoothing it out in long arcs with their trowels.  They were artists on that hardening concrete!  

I wanted to learn how to finish concrete, but Rick knew I wasn't ready yet.  So, I waited...

And then, the day came when he said I could help finish the concrete.  I was so excited - finally my big chance to prove myself - to be counted among the men!  How did I do on that first day?  Honestly, I probably made extra work for Rick as he followed behind me, fixed the messes, and coached me on what I was doing right and the many things I was doing wrong.  

And that is how it went, day after day, week after week.  There were many times I felt like I would never learn how to do it.  It looked so simple, Rick was so good at it!  I was so frustrated!  But slowly, little by little, as I watched Rick working right next to me and as he told me and showed me how to do it, I became a pretty good concrete finisher.

And simply put, that it what it means to have a life worth imitating.  It is a skillfully led life in which you invite others into the day to day realities of following Christ and telling and showing them how to do it.  

The Apostle Paul said "imitate me as I imitate Christ".  And the imitation usually follows along this progression:

• I DO --> YOU WATCH 
• I DO --> YOU HELP
• YOU DO --> I HELP
• YOU DO --> I WATCH

There is no learning that leads to transformation apart from imitation.  

About a year after I began learning how to finish concrete Rick told me that he and Jim were going to set up the next job, and he was leaving me to finish the small job we had just poured.  The process was complete, he now trusted me to do what I had watched him do.  He had modeled, coached and equipped me with the knowledge, the tools, and the experience to succeed.  

This is the life of a disciple of Christ.  Are you ready to get started?