25 years ago Tom and I said, “I do” and became Mr. and Mrs.
Blaylock. Tom was fresh out of college
and I was just over 20 years old. I look
back at our wedding photos and I think, “Who are those young (and might I add
good looking) kids?” I’m thankful for
the wonderful adventure that Tom and I have been on since August 19, 1989 and
look forward to many more happy years serving God and each other. We’ve
learned a few things about commitment, relationships, love and sacrifice along
the way.
We celebrated this silver anniversary by going on a cruise
to the Bahamas. Regardless of our
budget, we have always done something to honor each year that goes by. Usually we do something simple like dinner
and a movie, but we wanted to make this year special. The best thing about the cruise was that we
were able to focus on each other without distractions and stress.
Sometimes it is really helpful to focus on the things that
are going well and celebrate them. While we were on the cruise, we each wrote a
list of the top 10 things we appreciated about each other. It was truly healing
and beneficial to focus on the positive things about each other and write them
down. I didn’t spend any time thinking
about negative things or things we need to work on; it was a list about grace
and gratitude. I wrote down the things
you would expect to be on this type of list, that Tom is a man of integrity who
loves God and is a strong leader who has influenced many to follow Christ. I wrote that he is a great father and teacher
but I also got more personal and wrote about how God has uniquely used Tom to
speak love into my life. We sat in the sunshine on the deck and shared
our lists, one at a time. I was surprised by the things that Tom seemed
most pleased that I wrote. He really
liked my #8 item, “You adore me and make it known”. I
really liked his #7, “When I needed her most, Sandi has always stood by
me”. We both felt loved and respected as
a result.
After 25 years, here are a few things I encourage all
couples to do:
1.
Love and respect each other – even when you
don’t feel like it. (Ephesians 5:33) For
me this means speaking positively about one another in public and especially in
front of the kids. This means choosing to put each other’s needs
above your own and trusting that God will provide.
2.
Invest in your relationship and not necessarily
in stuff. For us this means that we
spend some money on vacations instead of buying a newer car. It means that we have prioritized time
together as a couple and as a family over working the extra hours to buy the
next big thing. This has paid off
because we have things to share with each other and talk about when we are
together. (Matthew 6:21)
3.
Find time together – and time apart. I am an
extrovert who loves to be around people but Tom is more of an introvert and
recharges when he is by himself. Find
activities that you enjoy doing together and some that you enjoy doing
apart. We have to do both to be balanced
and healthy. This means I have to
remember to give Tom some alone time and I have to trust God to meet my
friendship needs.
4.
Create rhythms of up, in and out for your
marriage and family. Pray together on a
scheduled basis, read scripture, and assist each other in the things that God
has called you to do. These don’t have
to be difficult things, but they have to be consistent things that are
sustainable and repeatable. Put a few
things on your calendar and stick to them.
We have a family “up” time on Tuesday nights where we read scripture and
talk about it with the kids. Tom and I
pray together each night before we go to bed.
Thursday is “in” night and we try to get together with other believers
to build relationships. Once a month on
a Saturday we host a breakfast in our home as a way to reach “out” to our
neighborhood. These are simple things but
they keep us on track with God and with each other.
5.
Be your spouse’s best cheerleader and let them
know that you believe in them. Allow
them to share hopes and dreams without fear of shame or ridicule. This means going first by sharing your ideas
with your spouse and looking at the positive parts of their ideas before you
offer any advice or criticism. Learn to
ask questions to bring out their ideas instead of telling them what you think
they should do.
6.
Laugh together and learn from your mistakes.
There are so many things that have been helpful for us and
our marriage – including counseling.
God’s love and grace has allowed us to extend love and grace to each
other. I look forward to many more years
with Tom. As we get older we say we are
“living the dream”. We always wanted to grow old together and now we are doing
just that.
No comments:
Post a Comment